Is there, as all too often happens, a New Jersey connection?
Is it because so many bullies are running rampant?
Is it because we are still fearful from the rash of abductions?
Is it because the possibility of war is hanging over our heads? I
Is it because we have all too much violence in our schools and on our highways? I
Is it because yet another bully holds us at bay? Is it because we are still suffering from the 911 horrors?

I reflect on what it must be like to be under siege. The teachers in the D. C. area who pulled down their shades and locked their doors to safeguard the children could at least hope the plight would come to an end at some point. What if we lived in a country where the siege seemed endless or where the government IS the bully?

I go to a store. My daughter reminds me to zig zag across the parking lot when I get there. At the store area, I find a man sitting in a truck, his legs propped up on the steering wheel. I ask him, "Are our children safe?" He quickly responds, "Only when we have them under our care". He adds, "My daughter is a preschooler and my wife is a preschool teacher." They have talked about it and they are worried. These snipers have been caught but there are still unknown terrors out there.

(I observe that I have now taken to talking to strangers instead of to myself.)

Click: I make the connections.

It is not that my mental picture of the snipers driving up and down the "northeast corridor" was, in fact, a fact;

It is not (just) that I have in one or more of my earlier lives lived in D. C., Falls Church, and Brunswick, Md. (where I worked for the Frederick County Board of Education).

It is that the background of domestic violence rearing its ugly head. What has been plaguing me is the memory of the inward screaming, the overwhelming fear a batterer can hold over those around and near him. I am proud that the domestic violence laws of New Jersey played a part in apprehending our latest bruiser/sniper coward.

Are our children safe? Well, at least they are safer. We have taken great strides in protecting our families and children and providing them with necessary resources but we do have a distance to travel. At least we seem to be going in the right direction.

As a result of all the terrors, our children are fearful. What can we do?

By odd chance, during the month of October, we explore reality/fantasy and fears and frights. What better time that now, with Halloween in the air? Fears, like other emotions, are a normal part of life and something we talk about throughout the year.

First, clearly, it is time for me to take a few big deep breaths and get control of myself. I decided a long time ago that I was not going to let some cowardly bully types that beat on women and abuse children control my life. I renew that vow, adding, not even when they take to sniping and terrorizing.

Under no circumstances is it okay for me to transmit my anxiety to the children. I must be calm, reassuring, and protective.
Little children are so, well, little. They feel so dependent, so powerless, so lacking in control over their circumstances. We find ways to give them choices and as much control as possible.

A couple more tips that may help:

Monitor TV. Monitor adult conversation around the children.
Take a trip by the police station to show how close by our protectors are; have a chat with the friendly policemen on the corner; be sure to wave and comment about safety when a police car passes by.
Give the children plenty of chances to talk, and respect their concerns. Be comforting, but not belittling. Being afraid is normal. Talking about the fear takes away some of the sting.
Try self-talk. (It works for me.) "I may be afraid, but I won’t let it keep me from (enjoying my life) (playing ball) (going to the park)." Note this also worked for Helen Reddy: "I am strong, I am invincible, I am woman."
Talk about what is real and what is fantasy. Young children have some difficulty with this and TV has added to the confusion.
Involve the child/children in the solution. Let's say that we are discussing fear of darkness. As the children to think of ways to dispel the fear. In one case, this discussion went on for days with the children offering ideas as they occurred. One child even giftedme with a flashlight when I shared that I disliked having to go out to my car after it was dark.

Visit keepkidshealthy.com for more insights. If you don’t have access to the internet, I will share for the asking.

These are, of course, just suggestions. Beyond fearfulness lies the possibility of needing to consult a professional, for example, if the fear becomes phobic, intense, if there are panic attacks, symptoms of depression, or symptoms of post-traumatic stress syndrome,

Some parents, all too aware of the abduction alerts, are taking advantage of the fingerprinting offered by the local police departments, and teaching their children rules such as those suggested at fingerprintamerica.com. (Yes, they do forbid talking to strangers. I gave myself another good talking to.)

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Of course, you already know about turning milk or water jugs into bird feeders, tool caddies, and even funnels. But Penny Pincher has a new one. Weight training is all the rage now. Instead of investing in expensive weights, fill a couple of plastic water bottles or jugs with beans and you have a relatively inexpensive weight set. Such activities, Penny Pincher points out, also help to reduce stress.

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Our condolences to Carol Jones on the loss of her brother, Richard Van Hook. Officers, staff, and employees at First Washington State Bank have made an extremely generous contribution in his memory. The contribution has become a part of the center's fledgling endowment fund where the proceeds will make a living, meaningful difference in the lives of others.

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We send our best wishes for a speedy recovery to our friend, Gert Horowitz. First Washington State Bank and Abe Opatut have sent a get-well contribution in her name, also for our endowment fund.

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Carol Nelson has been a great advocate for Better Beginnings, resulting in a very generous contribution from the NJ Schoolwomen's Club. Playground expansion is much needed, in fact, required, and this is a big help.

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Another advocate is Mr. Jonathan Craig. He arranged for photocopying of our quarterly newsletter, arranging for a visit from "our" two goats, loads of "dress up" clothes and now, three jumping mats at a time when indoor physical activity are needed.

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Coats, a typewriter, and a bean bag chair are some of the items donated this week by the Junior Friday Club, David Goldstein, and Kayla Jones.

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To comment, offer a suggestion, request a copy of information from the internet, or a tip for Penny Pincher, email me at bewith@mail2peace.com or snail mail me at PO Box 187, Hightstown NJ 08520. To learn more about Better Beginnings, visit www.princetonol.com/groups/bbcdc. Volunteer webmeister is Liston Abbott.

October 15, 2002
Each one carefully chooses a few silk flowers from the bag that is being passed around.. One by one, they add their choices to the circular wreath form. The colors of the flowers range from dark rose to lavender to palest pink, and in size from tiny to large and splashy. Each one is lovely in and of itself. But together, they blend together, enhance each other, and are even more beautiful. I look around the gathering of Better Beginnings' staff members and reflect that they are like that too. Each brings her own talents and strengths, her individual experience and knowledge, to the table. Each one has much to offer, but when joined together by mutual beliefs and philosophy, by shared commitment to a common goal, they are pretty impressive. And yes, their range of color and culture makes a beautiful combination, too.

We gathered on Columbus Day, by odd chance, to review and discuss the heart of our philosophy: the importance of every individual to dignity, respect and feelings of self-worth. We agreed on the following: If we treat others as we want to be treated, encourage mutually respectful interaction, based on preserving the dignity of all parties, we will create an harmonious atmosphere that is welcoming, person-affirming, appreciative, mutually empowering, understanding, cheerful and helpful. In such an atmosphere, where we affirm each other's accomplishments, encourage each other, increase our knowledge and ability to act beneficially, and in general create a place where we enjoy being, where we feel valued, and where our children, parents, co-workers, volunteers and community members feel comfortable, all can flourish and reach their full potential.

"Don't spend your precious time asking 'Why isn't the world a better place?' It will only be time wasted. The question to ask is 'How can I make it better?' To that there is an answer." - (Leo F. Buscaglia, Author in "The Way Of The Bull")

Better Beginnings believes that individuals, organizations, business and industries, can and do make a difference, lending their strengths and energies to making their part of the world a better place. In gratitude to such community members, the Mayors' Shining Star Charity Ball was initiated in 1992. This year, on October 20, recognition - and respect - will be given to our longtime Board Chair, Liston Abbott, who has devoted his life, intelligence and many talents to that premise. Also being recognized are Clara Martino and Lester Johnson for their many, daily deeds of kindness, the First Washington State Bank for being such good and generous neighbors, and to the Hispanic American Medical Association (HAMA) for contributing so much to the health and well-being of community members.

What a wonderful birthday gift the Princeton Packet readers gave us. Better Beginnings was chosen as one of the "2002 best in Central Jersey". Liston, our volunteer webmeister, posted the information at our website, www.princetonol.com/groups/bbcdc. We knew nothing of this until we read it, online at the Princeton Packet website. Frankly, we are very happy, and grateful to everyone who voted for us.

T. J., we will miss you. You have been a good friend to us and our community. We are happy that you are making a move that will be beneficial for you. But we will miss you, and we wish you well. You brought intelligence, compassion and clarity to your job as editor, and we appreciate it. I guess I will now be adding the Home News to my subscription list.

As always, we are grateful to our community friends, who day by day, continue to think of us. This week we have been visited by many friends who are making plans for our Annual Shining Star Gala and Anniversary Party. Larry Schneider is again the Chairman of the Event and has been doing a great job. Of course, we are grateful to both Mayor Amy Aughenbaugh and Mayor Janice Mironov for again sponsoring the event, and to everyone for their support and hard work.

October 1, 2002
I can't decide. Maybe you can help me. The highlight of my weekend was finding a washboard at a yard sale. Does that mean that I am leading a sad, narrow existence? Or does it mean that I have come to appreciate the small delights that make up a joyful, full life?

I prefer, of course, to think the latter, especially since it made me so happy. Added to it was the pleasure of having the sellers tell me that I had "made their day" as they loaded me down with many other treasures, all meant for the children of Better Beginnings. Everyone, customers too, joined in, helping me find other items that would help me in my objective which was to put together a little "string bean band" with the children making music on such homely items as a watermelon washboard, a tomato tom-tom (formerly a large plastic jug), pepper shakers (plastic bottles loaded with a handful of little-round-o cereal), and celery and carrot sticks. With the addition of some rubber bands, a couple of gondolier-shaped baskets become strawberry strummers. Some pots will make great potato pounders. And wait until you see the tangerine tambourines! What fun!

You may have guessed, we are doing a unit on fruits and vegetables. We are encouraging everyone to eat a minimum of five-a-day, one from each of the five colors: blue/purple, red, orange, white and green. Good nutrition is a basic need if our children are to "reach their full potential." In this unit, and all others, we also realize that children learn with music and love music. Music contributes to our mental ability, our physical well-being, and our emotional health.

As always, we are willing to share our joy. Our little band is available for appearances, performances, and gigs. We will, of course, need a ride. We promise not to make music during transport. Well, maybe just one chorus of "The Wheels on the Bus".
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We also want, welcome and need volunteers, as music makers, as classroom assistants, as computer mentors, as officers (what the children call those who work in the office), and more.
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Better Beginnings also needs a larger playground, with safe, anchored equipment, in order to comply with N. J. licensing requirements, to qualify for accreditation, but most of all, because 99 children need a safe place with room for physical growth and development. The improvement is underway, a leap of faith. The children are collecting pennies for this project, and others are joining in, notably the Helping Hands of the First Presbyterian Church, Althea Lewis, Sunny Young Deli, Super Dooper classmates Cailyn and Luis. Also, four beautiful, sweet and generous young ladies: Sarah, Molly, Abby, Caroline Lloyd - saved a total of 3,465 pennies. Our grand total now is 1,457,307 in pennies and equivalent, with 150.71 earmarked for the playground. We are trying to raise a total (in pennies, contributions and fundraisers) of $10,000 for this purpose, meaning we have a long way to go and need mucho help.
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The Super Doopers are making penny collection jars out of their Minute Maid juice containers. Penny Pincher, of course, is triply delighted. Minute Maid is so generous to the community's children, supplying juice and making generous contributions. Because of Minute Maid, the children are able to have a mid-morning nutritious break. Little children, we all know, need to eat frequently in small amounts. Now the children have found yet another way to use the plastic bottles. We have made dolls, shakers for our rhythm band, flower vases, and now penny jars.
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Mr. Harry Horowitz, like me, grew up on a farm. He believes that in order for a child to grow into a healthy, cooperative, productive human being, that child must, like a young plant, be properly nourished in early times. He and his wife, Gert, are very generous in providing the means for the "fertilizer" he believes we add to the young lives we touch.

Once again, they have made a generous gift to Better Beginnings' fledgling endowment fund, in memory of Richard Van Hook. The Horowitz like the idea of investing in a living gift for present needs and future growth. In so doing they help to assure that the work of the center continues and local children and families benefit. A certificate was sent to Mr. Van Hook's family, another to the donors, and another resides in our Book of Honors.

Contributions to Better Beginnings' endowment fund are invested for the purpose of earning revenue to help the center meet expenses now and in the future. The long range goal is to insure the center's stability, by increasing revenue in order to adequately compensate staff, and decreasing unending threats of cuts in funding. In a real sense, the contribution is a living gift, which will be perpetuated over many years ahead, empowering children and families to provide for themselves and reach their full potential.

Similar gifts for Birthdays, Memorials, and other special events and remembrances are available. At your direction, a certificate will be mailed to you, or, if you wish, it will be sent directly to the recipient. Better Beginnings will act promptly and an acknowledgement will be sent to you. The children will also send you an appreciation gift for caring about their present needs and future hopes. And, oh yes, Pretty Penny just reminded me: Better Beginnings is a 501(c)3 organization which means, of course, that contributions are tax-deductible.
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Our ring of friendship is growing and now includes Mt. Laurel, Moorestown, and Maple Shade. Lisa Serfling, the President of the Moms Club of those communities brought by many toys, books, equipment and other goods. And Valerie Bottega of Monmouth Junction did the same, including a dollhouse. This growing friendship reminds me of a song I love to sing with the children: "Love is something if you give it away .. you wind up having more. It's just like a magic penny, hold it tight and you won't have any. Give it freely, and you'll have so many, they'll roll all over the floor."
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Of friends, we cannot have too many. Faithful Ondina and Wilfred Jeffers have made another loving contribution. Books, toys, equipment, dress up clothes toys, and more have flowed from community friends Delores Murphy, Leo VandenBlink, Mary Longman, "Mr. Jonathan" Craig and Amanda Porter. Mrs. Longman sent her donations through "Mr. Jonathan" having learned of his interest in Better Beginnings through the Trinity Church Bulletin. Thanks, friends, you make our world a better place.
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Here's a thoroughly modern way to help Better Beginnings: If you are shopping online, you might want to visit Igive.com. By registering with them, you can designate Better Beginnings and we will receive immediately a contribution of $5.00 (hey that's 500 pennies, folks). In addition, many online sellers will send a percentage of what you spend to us as well. It works, it really does; I tried it. I made a purchase at one of the participating stores and before long, a check was mailed to Better Beginnings for a percentage of what I bought. It's a thought.

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