Penny Patter

BETTER BEGINNINGS
PENNY PATTER

May 07, 2004

**Bad talk:**
Nobody’s perfect and oh, how human to seek out other’s imperfections instead of dwelling on our own. Equally hurtful can be having someone digging away at imagined wrongs or differences. Scapegoating, it is sometimes called. On the farm, growing up, I noticed that sometimes the hens would turn on one particular hen and all pick and peck at her. We even had to isolate one hen that had a bad leg. I think the other hens would		have killed her if we hadn’t separated her into her own little caged area. I guess you could say she was "hen pecked". Separating a person from such treatment is not so easy, and it is really not an answer. You may have had it happen to you: someone cuts you cold and you have no idea why. "What was that about?" you wonder.

**Peace Talk:**
When it happens to a child, it can be really painful. In the extreme, it can be considered bullying. Adults can help. Such behavior, child to child, adult to child, or adult to adult, is actually against the rules at Better Beginnings, but it doesn’t keep it from happening. For adults, we like to see people speak face to face about any differences or wrongs (real or imagined). We teach the children to "use their words", saying "I don’t like it when …….". It helps most of the time, especially in deterring those who are likely to hit or grab. Sometimes though, they may pick out a certain child, and blame everything and anything that happens on him. Our role, as the "adult" is to employ the use of the "peace table". There the children learn to "talk it out", to negotiate, and to treat others as they want to be treated. If a child is left out of the "play" at one of the learning centers, a teacher may take the child by the hand and then approach the others. "Sweet Marie and I would like to play with you. Okay?" The young students are always happy to have an adult join in, so this usually works very well. Peacemaking techniques (also known as conflict resolution skills) are part of our bag of friendly tricks for our school-age group, the Super:BBs. One game they enjoy they think of as a memory game. We sit in a circle. Person One says something positive about the person on his right. Then the Person Two repeats what Person One said,		adds a positive statement about the person to His right, and so on and so forth all the way around and around and around. The list gets longer and longer, and each child's positive statement is repeated over and over. They willingly help each other with the remembering. When I have used this method, the youth are invariably joyful and excited. I think it is because they have said so many good things about others and had so many good things said about them. Being picked on, ostracized or bullied can be very demeaning. A student may feel devalued and may themselves turn to bullying as an escape. Students have been known to perform below par in their schoolwork in order to escape derision. One thing we can do is as parents/teachers is to offer frequent affirmations to each child so that their self-esteem is strong enough to fend off rebuffs and attacks. Another is to find ways in which to encourage students to treat others kindly. If you have ideas for this, or have seen effective methods used, please let me know so I can share. Benjamin Franklin said, "I will speak ill of no man-and speak all the good I know of everybody." Boy, what a better world it would be if we could all live up to that resolution! I even wonder if he did. Or is that bad talking the wise old guy? Well, I am going to TRY, but promise not to pick at me if I am less than perfect.

**Happy Talk:**
Many friends and supporters continue to share with our children. The Friday Club fulfilled a wish by funding the purchase of two fence easels for our playyard. The children will benefit greatly. The Junior Friday Club continues to contribute generously as well. "Mr. Jonathan" continues to make sure the children have snacks, as does "Mrs. Dee" Murphy and Martha Lehrer. Lego table, puzzles, games, books, Trike, Bike, wagon, Legos, color forms, toys of all kinds were donated by S. Kemp, Nunzia Destefano, Roger Hummer, Margaret Rosen, Martha		Lehrer, Luz Nereida Horta, and Millie K. Brown. Richard Pratt and Amanda Porter donated a video camera, bag and rechargeable batteries. Barry L. Cutler contributed to our small but growing endowment fund in memory of Jerry Bodin, and in honor of Jeff Eder's birthday. Certificates have been sent to giftor and giftees, and the names have been entered in our Book of Honors. Thank you, dear friends and gentle people.

**Penny Pincher Talk:**
*A reader suggests that instead of discarding plastic gloves, that you cut them		up to make large rubber bands. That's stretching it!

**Talk to us**!
To find out more about Better Beginnings, visit our website at www.princetonol.com/groups/bbcdc If you would to make suggestions for		Penny Pincher, or comments to me, please write to PO Box 187, Hightstown, NJ 08520, or bewith@mail2peace.com