April 2003 Penny Patter

"If you churn milk, you will get butter," according to wise King Solomon. Some friends' minds have been churning this week, too. The results are positively great. I call the King's statement one of "positive consequences". Natural and logical consequences are effective discipline methods. If we model our statements after that of the wise man of old, I think, the outcome can be even more powerful.

The outpouring of positivism has been like the blossoming of a beautiful patch of buttercups! First, I am reminded, how much our children enjoy making butter. We pour some heavy or whipping cream in a jar, make sure the lid is really tight, and then, the children pass it around, child to child, all taking turns, shaking the jar and singing a peppy shaking song. Before long, the bits of butter begin to form. What excitement, what joy of discovery! The children spread the sweet butter on multigrain crackers. All are wearing big grins; certain they have never tasted anything so delicious.

Smiles were prominent among the positive consequences I received. Maybe that's because, "It's almost impossible to give away a smile," as cyber friend Keetter points out. "If you smile, others will smile too", was one of the suggestions of BB Board Member Carol Jones (First Washington State Bank). Susan Lloyd (BB Board, EWRSD Board, and Peddie teacher) agrees, "If you smile at others, they will smile at you." Cyber friend Pat points out that "If you are mean to someone, they or someone else may be mean to you. But if you smile at them, they will smile back, and you will feel much better." Cyber buddy Nick, a retired police officer, suggests that "If a child smiles, be happy about it; don't ask what he or she has been up to!"

Board member Loida Wilson, Entrepreneur, and Business Consultant, explains how smiling makes a difference in her own outlook and cheers others, "I think this is especially important when I'm feeling blue because it always cheers me up too…… wherever you are, at the gas station, at the check out counter, at the bank, smile at the person helping/serving you and say, "Thank you (use their name), I really appreciate your help and I hope you have a wonderful day." She adds, "I have had people say to me, 'You know, you are the first person today who has been nice to me.'" Thank you, Loida, for this reminder. I know for a fact that everyone of those I've quoted today always wear a big smile and bring cheer into the lives of those around them. Thanks, guys.

I have much more, on many subjects, including discipline, self discipline, recycling, health and safety, sharing the work, and more, which I promise to share subsequently. In the meantime, please keep those positive consequences coming. I am enjoying this. Makes me smile.

Old Lady says:
· If you swallow a fly, you may die. (natural consequence)
· If you keep your mouth closed, you will keep out unwanted flying insects. (positive consequence)
· If you swallow a fly, followed by other unlikely objects, you may get a song written about you. (logical consequence) Well, it's actually all that logical, in fact it is illogical. But then, so is the song. And it makes me smile.

"I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found ways to serve." - Albert Schweitzer, Physician and Scientist.

If I had the temerity to rewrite this in the form of a positive consequence, it would read, "If you seek and find ways to serve, you are likely to be really happy." But I don't have that much brass, so I won't.

When, I think of those who share so much with Better Beginnings and its happy children and grateful families, I am sure that Dr. Schweitzer was correct.

This week, faithful J. B. Craig (Mr. Jonathan) shared paper goods, books, pennies, and even a donation to our (cancelled) car wash. Millie K. Brown donated a hobby horse and magazines. Pete Bussone is trying to keep our food program afloat, with continuing donations of good food. Other donations include a Fisher Price Workshop, workbooks, plastic ware and more.

Since 1967, Better Beginnings' existence has depended on the good will and sharing of its community. Once again, we have appealed for help. Revenue is down.

Again, to the rescue, Yardville National Bank, with a generous check for $1,000. Thank you, Yardville, for investing in your community and the little ones who will be tomorrow's leaders. Your gift and belief in our mission is very gratifying. A special thanks to Wanda Korolenko, CRA Department, for being our advocate.

Seat Belt Safety was the subject of a presentation by the N. J. Department of Law and Public Safety to HOPE, the Better Beginnings' Family/Staff Group, on May 22. The ongoing series, "Safety Starts with Smarts" is made possible by a grant from FirstEnergy. Thanks to Mrs. Clara Langley and Mr. Ed O'Connor for valuable information and donation of booster seats.

We had the boat. We had the paddles. The downpour of rain tried to make a creek for us. However, we thought it best to keep our little guys high and dry, so we didn't get a chance to make waves at the Memorial Day Parade. Thanks to Mr. Butch Jones for building our boat/trailer. I am disappointed that the sun was not being friendly on Monday. The boat was wonderful, and it made me smile. I kept singing, "Help us Keep our Boat Afloat! Hallelujah!"

Congratulations to all who participated, rain or shine, and to our friend Dr. David Goldstein, Grand Marshal. Our Executive Director, Luz Nereida Horta, was invited to ride on the float of First Presbyterian Church of Hightstown. Since that Church is our home, she felt, well, right at home.

You order a cup of coffee at the drive-thru, place the cup between your thighs and drive off. You get scalded. Who is at fault? Well, I am the kind of person who would think that I have only myself to blame for my blooming blisters. I call this theory "taking personal responsibility for my own actions”: a principle that seems to be on the endangered list.

The signs are all about, from smokers suing tobacco companies to fat folks suing fast food folks. As if somebody stuffed the stuff down somebody's lungs or throats. What about letting kids watch violence and sex on the almighty TV and then being surprised when they act out what they see; or failing to exercise our hard-won voting options and then complaining about the way lawmakers and governing bodies fail us? Myself included.

The theory of natural and logical consequences, fortunately, is still with us. Our children can learn the basics that lead to being responsible adults. As always, I believe that this is a good and right place to start.

When the natural consequence is just too dangerous, like if a child starts to run into the street, we reach for to a logical consequences closely linked to the unwanted action.

For the street-runner, a logical consequence might be some prolonged indoor time.

Choice-making is related. For example, we might suggest, "We do not play in the street. You may keep your playing inside the fence [play yard, backyard] or else you may go inside. Which do you choose?"

These discipline methods shift the responsibility for the action to the young learner. The adult encourages more and chastises less. The child feels loved and respected, and learns self-discipline and problem-solving. Want more material on this subject? Just write to me at bewith@mail2peace.com or PO Box 187, Hightstown NJ. 08520.

Whatever we call it, the idea is almost as old as the hills. King Solomon said, "If we churn milk, we will get butter." I like that positive spin. I have seen lots of suggestions for natural consequences, but usually with a negative consequence. I am trying to think of some natural consequence ideas, with the King's positive spin applied. They have to be true, of course. Not like I got, "If you eat your carrots, your hair will get curly." I ate my carrots and my hair is still straight as a stick.

After last week's tip that "saves dryer sheets", Penny Pincher received about 15 or 20 ideas for using dryer sheets. One suggestion: they are good for collecting cat hair. I tried it. It works.

We reported last week that contributions are way down. Specifically, United Way contributions are about 20% of what they were last year (down from $12,000 to about $2,400.) and contributions are way down too.

First Energy Foundation has awarded us $1,500. The contribution was at the instigation of Gerald Ricciardi, Area Manager. We are very grateful for this grant which will allow us to continue to pursue a bevy of safety workshops with the children, families and staff. As always these workshops are open to the public. Mary Beth Carroll is the President and Donna Valentine is the Director of Contributions. We are very, very grateful.

United Way notified us of additional designations including J. Spencer-Champ from the Northern New Jersey District, and a number of State and Federal ECC/CFC designations. Names were not included with the latter. While we cannot thank them personally, we want them to know that they are helping make a big difference in the lives of families and children.

Toys and other valuable items came in from good friends Assenke Hoffman for Mothers and More, and the Gasman family. Many thanks for continued support.

Priceless! A really long wooden train set with many linking cars: one for every letter of the alphabet + ten numerals. Each car, including the engines, are hand-made, carved and painted by our good friends, George Medary and Jack Conklin. They met at one of our volunteer lunches and discovered they had a common hobby. Wow, thanks, guys. What a great surprise! Chief Engineer Keith, age 5, describes them as “really awesome”.

Another wood smith emerges: Butch Jones, husband of board member, Carol Jones. You will see his clever handiwork if you look for our float in the Memorial Day Parade. Watch for us and wave!

Also on my desk are some brand new sports magazines and a DVD about the positive accomplishments of a sports figure. This anonymous donor promises more of the same, believing they would be of interest to our older students. Yes, they are, and there is nothing that encourages youth to want to (learn to) read more than subject material that interests them. Thanks discerning Anonymous friend, please keep the good thoughts and reading material coming!

Volunteers now include two youthful and lovely classroom assistants. They are Amy Lazarus and Erin Stable. They are great role models for the children and are both valued for their cheerfulness and enthusiasm.

The Logical Next Step: Visit our website at www.princetonol.com/groups/bbcdc for more information about Better Beginnings.

Downsize: Another frightening "contemporary" word. It somehow sounds better than "sacked". It suggests that the dismissal is due to the employer's cutbacks, rather than the firee's failings.

The "downsized" individual may find the word also fits his new circumstances. His/her way of life has been abruptly curtailed. Because self-identity often reflects job status, self-esteem may also tumble.

When Wall Street crashed, it is said, people jumped out of windows because they had lost their fortune. How does one's wealth become so important that life is nothing without it? By contrast, what drives the poverty-stricken, willing to work at any job, or two, or more, just to provide for themselves and their families?

One person, I hear, had a $600,000 annual income when he was downsized. He has now taken a job making $60,000. I was feeling really sorry for him until I stopped to think how many people I know, including myself, for who never expect to make $60,000 in any year. Still, I think such an abrupt change is sad and is bound to be traumatic.

I admire that person, willingly taking what work he can find, rather than holding out for a job like the lost one. Others are coping by re-training, going back to college, and seeking an alternative career path. Some are pursuing hobbies and more family and fun time. They look and ask for help. The Community Action Service Center (CASC) is a good starting place.

A sudden down turn may, in fact, be wrapped around an opportunity, activated by the determination to make the best of it. Abraham Lincoln, (remember him? An aircraft carrier is named for him.) said, "Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other thing."

Some, finding unexpected time on their hands, opt to volunteer, a great choice for several reasons:

Non-profits have suffered reductions too. Volunteers help us continue to provide critical services to the working poor. Most of our volunteers have busy lives, and squeeze out the time to help others. We have and need volunteer board of directors, much honored, classroom volunteers, literacy mentors, computer mentors, computer fixers, nurturing assistants, music makers, office assistants, advocates, fundraisers, and more.

Designated pledges to Better Beginnings through the United Way and other employer-based funds are $10,000 less than last year. Contributions and private pledges are also down. We do not have enough revenue to meet expenses. Nor do we have enough to complete the much-needed playyard. We are hopeful that once again our community members and groups will be helpful.

"Acts of courage shape human history. Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope." --- Robert F. Kennedy.

A great source of joy: The East Windsor branch of Hadassah, in keeping with the national venture, "Read To Me", has adopted Better Beginnings. Every week, four lovely women, one for each class, come to visit. Deb Meixler, Sylvia Weiss, Joan Freeman, and Irma Esakoff read to and interact with the young students. Research shows preschool children benefit greatly from being read to. They are much, much more likely to excel in following years. For children who are learning a second language, it is even more crucial. The project's cross generation and cross culture aspects are an added feature. Of course, I am sure everyone recognizes the fine hand and high energy of our good friend, Sylvia Weiss.

Mrs. Weiss also told us about the play, "The Little Engine". Her grandniece, Dorie Hamby, is touring with the troupe and has a big part. Since this story with its positive message is a great favorite of ours, we made immediate plans to attend. The children loved the performance. The cast came down to meet them, causing great excitement. The children came home, more entranced with the "Little Engine" than ever.

"Mr. Jonathan" Craig found another Little Engine, books and tapes for our classrooms. He also arranged for visits by five puppies and another visit from "our" baby goat. He finds many ways to enrich our children's lives.

Marsha Fais, Courtney and Cullen Grubb, Christine Bryan and others donated books, games, CD's, blocks, toys, a 12" bike, a bike seat, reams of paper, boxes of folders, binders and more.

Elizabeth Peters from Trinity Church was the "puppy lady". She showed the children how to be gentle and compassionate. Cathy Simmons, President of the Old Hights Print Shop, and long-time advocate made a generous contribution. Minnie Bell and Frances Rios faithfully fulfilled their monthly pledge in honor of brother, uncle and our friend, Jimmy Jackson. Stan Horowitz stopped by to help repair computers. Employees from Princeton University pledged a total of $227 to the United Way.

Penny Pincher likes this idea from Anonymous: "When washing clothes, use vinegar as a fabric softener during the rinse cycle and you won't need to use fabric softener sheets." I tried this and liked it. It also removed cat hairs. I used white vinegar, and couldn't smell the vinegar on my clothes. But then my olfactory senses have long since been downsized. Test first on just one piece of clothing.

Please contribute food to CASC. Many downsized and working poor appreciate the Center's services.

Terrorist Alert! Scarey! Even scarier: Suppose the terrorist is twice your height and five or six times your weight and - lives in your home. Suppose that you hear your Mother begging, time after time, "Please, please don't kill me. Please, please don't hurt me anymore." How would that affect you, the child in such a home?

The effects of domestic violence on children was the subject of a workshop at Better Beginnings on Thursday, April 24. Womanspace made the presentation in two sections, one in English and the other in Spanish. Families, staff and community members attended.

Cari Fais, a graduate of Better Beginnings, of the domestic abuse section of the Mercer County Prosecutor's Office, formerly of Womanspace, was a presenter. Everyone enjoyed the role reversal, wherein the student became her teacher's teacher. We are, of course, very proud of her and her accomplishments. Other presenters were Maria Zarza and Ellen Yeagle, Director of Residential Services for Womanspace.

Domestic violence is traumatic for the child. Several members of Better Beginnings' staff have trained as part of East Windsor Police Department's Domestic Response Team because of their observations of the effects on children who have witnessed violence.

Every year, in fact, thousands of children in New Jersey are exposed to domestic violence. From her research, Cari has compiled a long list of physical, psychological/emotional, and behavioral consequences. I will be glad to share the two-page list with you if you write to me at PO Box 187, Hightstown NJ 08520, or if you call Better Beginnings at 609-448-6226.

We may refer the child and family for professional counseling. Concurrently, we offer reassurance, encouragement and a sense of safety and protection. We can make a difference in the life of the child, the family, and their future. Womanspace provides a one-month haven for parents wishing to escape threats and offers the opportunity to plan their new lives. What is lacking is enough housing that is affordable for a single parent. Affordable child care is also essential, especially for someone who has a low-paying job and who is seeking to find a new, better life for self and child.

Speaking of the East Windsor Police Department, our best wishes go to Officer Bill Ford. The children love this DARE Officer. We are all saddened by the accident, and wish him a speedy recovery.

Congratulations to our Board Member, Pete Bussone, on winning the Mercer County Cherish the Children Award. It is well deserved. Pete and Kerrie find many, many ways to make the lives of others happier and better. In his honor, a number of us attended the banquet.

Mercer County Freeholder Keith Hamilton also received an award. He reminded me that his child attended Better Beginnings way back when we were in the basement of a Church on Broad Street. We have all come a long way, baby.

Congratulations, also, to HHS student, and First Baptist Church Youth Group member, Brandon Tyers. The seventeen-year-old has been chosen as a Junior Olympic athlete to represent Team New Jersey at the USA Wrestling National Championships. Brandon is the young neighbor who turned up at my doorstep after a snow storm, knowing my daughter was away and I could use some help. Brandon's thoughtfulness, compassion and determination offer a great role model for our little ones.

In order to attend the championships on the west coast, Brandon needs to raise a minimum of $1500. His Mom, our much-loved crossing guard, raised $300 with a bake sale on the day of our townwide yard sale. My daughter, Jaymie, will be helping with this effort, perhaps with a fundraiser around the 4th of July. Contributions are welcome, and may be sent to PO Box 92, Roosevelt, NJ 08555.

Members of the Heart Friends Kinder-age Children were treated to a visit from Marla Welch, Ann Leibner and Carol Jones from First Washington State Bank. After hearing a story, and receiving special gifts, the children acted out the process of opening a bank savings account and depositing money. Surprisingly, perhaps, many adults do not have this knowledge, and now our little guys do. Many thanks.

Without community help as donors, contributors and volunteers, Better Beginnings' work would not proceed or succeed. This week our contributors included some faithful friends. Ondina and Wilfred Jeffers sent their monthly pledge, and Junior Friday Club again made a generous and helpful contributions.

Faithful donor Jonathan Craig found too more children's tapes, again further our literacy efforts.

And… our penny collection continues to grow, now 1,487,641, with the help of Sunny Young Deli. This brings the portion allocated to the playyard to $454.05.

Last week, Althea Lewis came to me and said, "We have many donated computers, but we really need more to help put them into shape so we can get them into the homes of our students. I made an appeal and this morning we have a new friend, Emil Kohut, a technician, who is sharing his gift for electronics. We are so happy and grateful, but….. we still need more help, especially from someone who is knowledgeable about software and Windows. Please, you, too, can help us with our project of getting usable computers into the homes of those on the have-not side of the digital divide. Call, please, 609-448-6226, and assist in our win-win efforts.

When I called Mark Moffa, the Herald's editor, to say how happy I am, he said, "Bettie, you are ALWAYS happy. What is making you so happy this time?" Wow, I am happy to be so happy and really, really happy that you have given me the chance to be a part of such a happy place. More happy news next week.