May 14, 2002
What's going on? On the one hand we are informed that violence in N.J. schools has increased. Over 25,000 cases of drug abuse and violence were reported in N. J. schools last year. Educators are increasing prevention efforts, but still there is this rise. There is a good possibility that improved reporting is part of the answer.

On the other hand, however, we hear that the movie "Spider-Man" is also setting new records. Reportedly, the movie contains intense fight scenes, explosions, a house fire, and a villain (all bad) and the webbed guy (all good).

Is there a connection between increased violence in the schools and violence in movies and on TV?

The American Psychological Association offers a free brochure, entitled "Warning Signs Guide", produced by MTV and APA, that is designed "to help youth avoid violent situations and even stop violence before it happens." The factors they list that contribute to violent behavior include:

• Peer pressure
• Need for attention or respect
• Feelings of low self-worth
• Early childhood abuse or neglect
• Witnessing violence at home, in the community or in the media
• Easy access to weapons

• Reasons for violence
• Recognizing violence warning signs in others
• What you can do if someone you know shows violence warning signs
• Dealing with anger
• Are you at risk for violent behavior?
• Violence against self

May 7, 2002

I wonder about Henry Ford and Bill Gates. During their youth, did anyone pay attention to the development of their self-esteem? Both of these super-achievers have something to say about it.

In his book, Business@the Speed of Thought, Bill Gates listed 11 rules that students do not learn in high school or college, but should. Rule 2: "The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself."

Henry Ford said, "If you think you can or think you can't, you're right."

Well, there you have it: that's their opinion. I can't say I agree with the first. Just because Bill Gates became a billionaire at age 31 doesn't mean he's right about everything. A child's feelings of self-worth develop from being accepted as a unique person who is cared for, valued and protected. Some, but not all, of this comes from noticing and encouraging individual accomplishments, true. But it also comes from connectiveness, uniqueness, empowerment, and having good role models.

I do agree with Ford. I do believe in positive thinking. I am from the "Little Engine Who Could" school, too. I am happy to report that it has been a long, long time since I have heard a parent or teacher tell a child, "You are bad." I do not even like to hear a parent ask their preschooler, "Were you good today?" A child is not GOOD or BAD. Their actions may or may not be what we want, but that is their actions, not the person. I will admit that a long, long time ago, I used to hear these things, but no longer. I have been known, in those olden days, upon hearing negative terms, to come rushing out of my office for an immediate, on-the-spot, quick discussion of effective positive reinforcement when talking to preschoolers.

Jonathan Craig gave me a vintage copy of the "Little Engine" which resides, at his request, beside my office computer. At a yard sale on Saturday, I found some small replicas of trains, including two engines, one bigger than the other. I am going to enjoy reading this story to the children and illustrating it my "new" props.
Hundreds, maybe thousands, of books have been written on the subject of developing self-esteem, but, briefly, here are some suggestions for improving self-image during preschool and early elementary years.

• Encouragement and appreciation related specifically to the child's interests and efforts (not empty praise or superficial flattery).
• Books, photographs, artwork, toys, music, food, dolls and activities reflecting the cultures of the students.
• Respect for the culture and language of the families.
• Opportunities for making choices and assuming responsibility.
• Recognition of variety of learning styles, multiple intelligences, and unique talents, reflected in array of learning activities.
• Attention to the students' preferences, views, feelings, decision-making and problem-solving abilities.
• Safe, caring, protective, healthy environment.

Some things that are counter to the development of positive self-image include continual negative statements about the person, disparaging remarks, and any form of child abuse, including neglect and physical, sexual, or emotional abuse; also being on the "outside" or left out, not being included or depicted in school groupings, in books, artwork and communal activities

The opposite of self-esteem is self-loathing, self-hate; sometimes a feeling of nothingness and non-connectiveness. From negative feedback, and such feelings, a person could feel ineffective, fail to develop his or her unique talents, engage in self-destructive activities, even develop feelings of rage. From positive feedback, believing in themselves and treasuring their individuality and special talents, we hope that they will become fully empowered, contributing members of the human community, stretching their abilities to be "all they can be."
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P. S. I have a copy of all 11 of Bill Gate's Rules. If you want a copy, just let me know.
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In case you were counting: "Miss Iris" Rodriquez carefully kept our April calendar in our front hallway. There were 12 rainy days. "Miss Brenda" Werner and Mr. Serge Felizor both accurately guessed that there would be 12 days "with April showers". They will, therefore, be presented with "May flowers" at our next Parent/Staff meeting.
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Moms, people who have Moms, people who hope to be Moms, people who love Moms, don't' cook!!! On Friday, May 10, from 3:30 - 5:30 p.m, we will again offer a very inexpensive meal:: $6.00 for adults and $3.00 for children. And look at the menu: Rice with gandules, stewed chicken, green salad, fried bananas, choice of desserts. Proceeds will go to expand our playground, the next step towards obtaining accreditation for the center. With accreditation comes an increase in state funding. What an investment! Call 609-448-6226 for reservations.
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And for a busful of fun, sign up now for our bus trip to Atlantic City on Saturday, May 23. Bus leaves at 1:00 p.m. Cost is $25, with a $10 rebate. Call same number.
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Our drug/alcohol/violence prevention program got a big boost with an allocation from the East Windsor Drug/Alcohol Alliance. Dear friend Annabel Wyhanez made a generous contribution along with a very encouraging note. Clara Martino and George Medary contributed in the name of Jack Conklin, in gratitude for his help in providing computer lessons. Good Will Ambassador Jonathan Craig also contriuted. Carol Jones contributed also, in the honor of Harry & Gert Horowitz who she described as "two very special people who have brought, and continue to bring, with their generosity and love, joy to so many people." Carol's contribution will be added to the "35th Anniversary Fund" established by Susan Lloyd and the Board of Directors.
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Delores Murphy brought many things including food, craft materials, magazines, and seven empty shoe boxes. Penny Pincher LOVES empty shoe boxes. They are great for storage and "keep" boxes, but these will probably become a train to go along with the "Little Engine."

Ann Leibner of First Washington remembered that Tuesday is Paper Day at Better Beginnings, and popped in with loads of paper towels. On paper day we hope for all kinds of paper goods, including towels, toilet paper, tissue, plates and other disposables, copy paper, construction paper, even paper money.
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Other donations of books, puzzles, games, and more came from good friends Andrea Diamond, Beverly Guerra, Cheryl Evans, Charles & Mary O'Reilly, and Nilda Garcia.
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Long time friend Sylvia Weiss gave our digital inclusion program a boost with donation of Phillips Magnavox Web TV.
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Our copper coin collection is now at 1,420,180, thanks to Sunny Young Deli and Helping Hands.
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Penny Pincher and Pretty Penny got together this week, wanting to offer something for Moms, especially those who are very busy and who need to stretch their dollars. Here, at their suggestion, are a few inexpensive treats I give myself.

• A nice but inexpensive facial by mixing a 1/4 cup of oatmeal with enough plain yogurt to make a nice consistency. I wash and dry my skin, then massage the mixture on face and skin. After about ten minutes, I rinse with cool water. Feels GOOD! (Dads can try it too.)
• My expensive blusher absolutely matches my lipstick. I mix my lipstick with a few drops of face conditioner or cream and then apply. If I am in a hurry, I might just swipe some lipstick on my cheeks and add the face cream or even baby oil. PRETTY!
• When my eyes get tired, I rest them by closing them and placing either cucumber slices or tea bags on them. COOL!

For more about Better Beginnings, visit www.princetonol.com/groups/bbcdc. Tips or comments to me or my centsible friends may be addressed to BeWith@Mail2Peace.com.