One person chooses to be one of several hundred, spending day after day and night after night laboring with heart, soul and all available physical strength and endurance to rescue nine miners. Another person plans secretly and maliciously to abduct, rape and murder a little girl. A man, physically mature (which is to say, supposedly grown) throws a helpless kitten on a barbecue spit. Another spends several hours on a hot, humid, dangerously busy parkway trying to save a lost, fearful, and hungry dog.

All of the above are members of the human race, right? Why do they act so differently?

How do we protect ourselves, our children and our pets from predators? How do we find the enough ways to thank the rescuers of miners, pets and children??

I have many questions. I don't know the answers. I am, after all, just human. But I do know that I have learned to be alert. If I know of anyone who behaves in a suspicious, depraved or inhumane way, I know enough now to call the "authorities" and to try to find appropriate "help" for the possibly ill and potential victim(s).

My daughter has an idea. When news people report the horrifying news of yet another child that has been victimized, perhaps it would help to include the telephone number of help-lines or hospitals or agencies offering help for the "sickness" too. We offer children and families, the potential victims, a lot of ideas for prevention, supervision and protection. Perhaps we should give more attention to removing the dangerous in the first place. Possibly there is some degree of self-hatred. Maybe the potential pedophile is tired of hating himself and would look for help if it were offered. Maybe a family member or acquaintance might notice suspicious behaviors.

A friend thinks that pedophilery is a sickness, but when it is acted upon it becomes evil. Surely there are those that would like to stop or be stopped before they act out their compulsion to do evil. It's a thought, maybe one that will save a child or series of children. If you have ideas, thoughts or suggestions, please e-mail me at BeWith@Mail2Peace.com; or snail mail me at PO Box 187, Hightstown, NJ. 08520.

Maybe finding ways to prevent the abuse, abduction, murder and rape of minors would be a great way to thank those with the compassion and will to rescue nine miners. And not to forget, very often those who commit horrid acts to humans have been known to previously commit horrid acts to helpless animals.

I heard that groan and I apologize for seeming to trivialize the above with the minor/miner pun but I just couldn't help myself: I am compelled to pun. Is there a help-line for punnery? Pun aside, I do believe that the way to thank someone who has been kind to us is to perpetuate the kindness by offering it to another in need.

I still really do want the answer to what it is that makes one man compassionate, caring, giving, and heroic and another so opposite. If we could know that difference and apply it in careful doses, there could, possibly, be peace in our world, and maybe people treating each other the way each wants to be treated. "Call me a dreamer, but I'm not the only one."

As I pondered these questions, I received an unexpected answer via e-mail. A young lady, Taylor Dennehy, wanted to do something for others. After careful reflection, guided by her Mother, Linda, she chose to share her collection of Beanie Babies with the children at Better Beginnings. Linda is a great role model for her daughter, having been involved in the Social Concerns Group at her Church, and working in a caring profession as a Nurse. I could just feel the warmth and caring emanate from these two. There is great hope for our future when young people like Taylor are willing to share of their bounty in this way. Now each child will have a special remembrance on his or her birthday. Aside to Kreps School: Taylor is entering your school this Fall. You have a treasure and a pleasure awaiting you.

Of course, is that children must be carefully taught: whether to love or hate; whether to be of good character or whether to diverge, whether to engage in destructive behaviors or behave constructively. This is our responsibility as parents, as teachers and as a community that cares about our children. Recent research bears out my belief. We have had the opportunity many times at Better Beginnings to intervene in the life of a child who has been abused by the ones he trusted most. We have seen a young life turn around because he was nurtured and treasured. This is an incredibly great joy.

Most of the time, though, we are called on simply to treat children as we want to be treated and to provide them with positive role models. They learn from what they observe.

A grand and generous contribution arrived this week from our friend, Dennis McClary. We are grateful to him for remembering how much we need gifts like his to help meet the expenses of continuing to provide a nurturing learning environment for our children.

Johnathan Craign was joined by Jean Hutchinson this week in remembering that Tuesday is Paper Day at Better Beginnings. Donations of all kinds of paper goods, from paper towels, tissues, copy paper, construction paper, toilet paper, napkins, etc. really help us pinch our pennies. "Mr. Johnathan" also found and donated some Spanish Text Books and some mystery books. Deb & Lew Meixler helped with our "digital inclusion" project by donating a computer with all the components, Dr. David Goldstein remembered us with useful items. Altogether, a very friendly week, I'd say.

In addition to bringing in ten more hand crocheted blankets, Clara Martino brought a long list of ideas that I will share a few at a time under the heading "Penny Wise" because they are heartfelt and full of the wisdom of experience and caring.

Here is #1, for children. "Let someone teach you to dust for your mother and do it willingly. Your mother will like that." I like it because it is so win-win: the child feels useful and wanted; the mother feels proud and happy.
A e-friend from Oklahoma City sent me a list of 50 natural highs. I will incorporate them with others to be handed out at Better Beginnings' Toy Weapon Exchange table at the National Night Out event on August 8. Here are several from the list. A bubble bath. A good conversation. A trip to the beach. Watching the sunrise. We offer these as constructive ways to overcome sadness, grief and sorrow rather than the alternative, substance abuse.

I think that Mrs. Martino's thoughts are meant to be a part of the list, too, but hers are so wonderfully and warmly wise, I would like to continue to offer them one by one or a few at a time.

Speaking of wise friends, Harry & Gert Horowitz have remembered Selma Mandel with a generous contribution to Better Beginnings endowment fund in her name. They like knowing that this is a living memory because the endowment fund is a long-range project wherein contributions are invested for the purpose of earning revenue to help the center meet expenses now and in the future. Her name has been entered in our Book of Honors and a certificate sent to a family member. Similar gifts for Birthdays, Memorials, and other special events and remembrances are available.

Better Beginnings is an interactive community service, dependent upon its community for support, donations, contributions, volunteers and good will in order to continue to provide a needed and effective program for families and children.

July 23, 2002

What is a stranger? We teach our children not to talk to strangers or go anywhere with strangers. But to a child, "strange" might mean someone with three arms or five legs or one eye in the middle of his forehead. We need to carefully define for our children that a stranger is someone they do not know. Unfortunately, however, child abductors and abusers sometimes are someone the child does know. In other cases, we may want our child to talk to a stranger, such as a policeman, for instance, when they need help.

Important question: How do we approach this subject effectively and without terrifying or traumatizing our children?

I believe in helping children to understand that it is okay to say no to something that makes them feel uncomfortable, and that they should always get parental permission before going ANYwhere with ANYone. Children love to role play, and will enjoy acting out various scenarios, in which they practice this and other techniques such as yelling and getting away, as well as finding a policeman or store clerk to help if needed. I like this method because the child is more likely to remember with practice, and the format is less frightening for the child.

I believe, also, that families need to take precautions such as fingerprinting, keeping a record of child's height and weight, maintaining current photographs, and being ready to describe what the child is wearing. Fortunately, National Night Out is right around the corner (August 6 from 6:00 - 9:00 pm at East Windsor Police Department), and professional fingerprinting and photographing is one of the many services and activities offered.

In our community, we are fortunate to have many programs in our schools and many child care centers on prevention techniques. However, the family continues to be the #1 learning center. Is it okay to yell and fight back? We may be afraid the child will get hurt if she fights back, but is that a reasonable exchange for something more horrible if she is abducted? In this case, as in other area, each family may devise an individual plan to meet their particular needs and the personality of the child.

Teaching our children to be able to observe and remember important details is also important. I was particularly impressed with the little girl who was able to remember and give many details about the person who abducted her friend which led to his being apprehended.

A 'caring friend' in Oregon sent a lot of material about abduction prevention through e-mail to me and others. I have her permission to share this material with you. Just write to me at BeWith@Mail2Peace.com, or in c/o Better Beginnings at P.O. Box 187, Hightstown, N. J. 08520.

The internet offers many sites with useful safety/prevention tips and materials on the internet. Two I found are http://www.fingerprintamerica.com and http://www.familykaratecenter.com/capp.htm. Another internet resource is available at About.com, which provides information child abduction, sexual abuse, prevention tips, reporting and support.

My friend also offered some games to help children (and adults) remember license plate numbers and identify cars. She taught these to her kids, and now offers them to us.

License Plate I.D.: "Teach your children to come up with WORD stories for license plates. . Example: CFY 278 Crazy Fat Yak is 278 pounds. 174 PDZ -- 174 Purple Dark Zebras. Also have them play it with their own friends. If they play it often enough they will never look at a license plate without playing the game and using WORDS INSTEAD OF JUST LETTERS makes it easier to remember. Adults could use this method also for hit & run, unknown cars in neighborhood, etc.

"The Car Game........much like the license plate game the car game is naming the car and color. Pick an animal or a food for the car, a yellow banana with 4 doors, if they see any identifying marks, a red apple with labels (bumper stickers) If they see the 'logo' or letter and are able to read, teach them to remember these logos and make it a game. And of course tie the license plate game and the car game together and you have a description for the police."

I really like these games. Besides the safety aspect they are fun, and also encourage and develop skills memory, visual perception, observation, literacy, language development, and more.

It is important to remember what a child is wearing also. I have been trying to think of a similar game. One that would be good with the groups at the center can be played at circle time. Maybe you can adapt it for use at home, or have some ideas you will share also.

This game involves observation, color identification, counting, and more. Leader might say, "Anyone who is wearing a red shirt, stand up and be counted!" and continue, "Anyone who is wearing a white shirt, "Stand up and be counted!", "Anyone who is wearing blue jeans, 'Stand up and be counted!'" and so on. Leader could record how many of each, and chart it. This would help children and adults to observe and remember what the
children are wearing.

For memory and recall, another game: One child is asked to "cover up" (using a blanket or sheet) and the other children are asked to remember what she is wearing. In alternative, child may be asked to leave room, or children may be asked to cover their eyes. All of these games capture the young learners attention if we offer a rhyme, a song or rhythmic activity that carries out the objective.

Example: (for the "Be counted" activity). Two fast claps and one slow clap, repeated, and then "We will, we will COUNT you!"

Luz Nereida Horta, Executive Director of Better Beginnings, reminds me: we need to remember that teenagers are also abducted. Perhaps we think that they "should know better" but unfortunately, they, too, are victimized. They usually don't think that bad things can happen to them. They may not be lured away by a "missing puppy" but are tempted by affection, by promises of fame and fortune, by the search for a non-abusive home setting, by the excitement of adventure.
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On a much lighter note: Tips from the Classroom that Work at Home:
Jigsaw Puzzles are a great favorite for all ages. Missing pieces, however, can cause severe frustration, especially for our little guys. Wooden puzzles with 3 - 8 pieces are a wonderful learning tool, developing visual perception and hand-eye coordination. Our young students also enjoy the pleasure of completion and success. But if a piece is missing, it is discouraging. At one time, we had an elder friend who would make pieces with his saw, yes - his jigsaw, to fill in for the missing parts. Many puzzles are now made of cardboard. We can draw around the empty space onto cardboard and cut out a new piece with our scissors. We can also use wood putty that hardens to fill in the missing pieces. We have many puzzles for the children, most of which have been donated. The kids love them and they are great during rest time when some children are resting and others need to have a quiet activity so as not to disturb their friends.

Of course, none of these solutions is as good as having the original piece. Prevention: The children are carefully taught to put the puzzle back in the rack intact. As an added preventive measure, we mark the back of each piece of the puzzle with an identifying symbol. For instance, the puzzle pieces that form a picture of a forest may each have a green triangle on the back. This works especially well for puzzles with many pieces, such as those we have for school-age children, and those you have at home. If a piece turns up in an unexpected place, one can easily return it to its place.
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Better Beginnings has been selected by the National Latino Children's Institute as a winner of the 2002 La Promesa de un Futuro Brilliante award. Congratulations to the staff, board, families, community members, contributors, donors, and volunteers who have made this honor possible. I salute you!
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Natural Highs! Here are some of the ideas I have received for a list of activities that give us a natural high, something to help us feel better when we are feeling down, or to add to our joy when we are feeling great. We offer them as a healthy alternative to destructive behaviors, such as substance abuse. Some are for adults, some for children, most for either. Please write to add to the list. Either to Better Beginnings, PO Box 187, Hightstown, NJ 08520, or email me at BeWith@Mail2peace.com . Please indicate whether or not I can use your name. I will compile a list from all these ideas to be distributed at the Toy Weapon Exchange which Better Beginnings will offer at the aforementioned National Night Out.

Here are some ideas offered this week by the Lollipops: Call a friend, dance, give a hug, play soccer, play a game, write a letter, sing, eat chocolate, go to the playground, read, weave, go to the gym, pray, pet an animal, do puzzles.

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Penny Count is now 1,440,226 thanks to Sunny Young Deli and Jeff Eder and family.

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A welcome contribution was received from Howard A. Vassall which helps with the expenses of maintaining a quality, affordable program that encourages families and children to reach their full potential. Harry Horowitz remembered Tuesday is Paper Day with a load of paper towels. Other donations of typewriters, toys, book, learning materials and more were received from Mahendra Paval, Bill Thom, Viktoria Vercellette, and others. These donations help to keep expenses down.
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Volunteers are needed in classrooms, for computer mentors and repairs, as music makers and more. A special thank you to Binnie Thom, our board member, and one of East Windsor Regional School District's outstanding teachers, for spending time in the classroom with our kinderage children.

Stressed? Here is a quick method that will release stress and probably leave you laughing. Draw in a deep breath and then let it out slowly, seeing what funny sounds you can make as you exhale.

I can hiss like a snake; I can buh like a motor boat; I can shhhhh like a Mommy with a sleeping baby; I can mmmmmm like a hummer. Working around kids is so much fun. I developed this procedure to help them with anger management. It seems to amuse them and I am once again allowed to let my inner child emerge. I always seem to wind up laughing and so do they. I can also make a pheeeeeeew sound. What about you? Oh, go ahead and try it.

Flashing the peace sign seems to work when I'm driving. Yesterday, someone behind me at a red light began to blow the horn the very millisecond the light changed. I was amazed, astonished and almost angry, but I remembered and flashed the sign. They waved and smiled! Maybe they were just trying to get my attention to say "Hi!".

Anger Management, the movie, was being produced right next door in Cranbury and I did not know it until afterwards. I probably wouldn't have gone over there anyway. Crowds are something I avoid whenever I can. But I am certainly intrigued by the title. I get the feeling they may not have been using peace signs.

Natural Highs! Here are some of the ideas I have received for a list of activities that give us a natural high, something to help us feel better when we are feeling down, or to add to our joy when we are feeling great. We offer them as a healthy alternative to destructive behaviors, such as substance abuse. Some are for adults, some for children, most for either. Please write to add to the list. Either to Better Beginnings, PO Box 187, Hightstown, NJ 08520, or email me at BeWith@Mail2peace.com . Please indicate whether or not I can use your name. Here are some from the Super Doopers and some from the Heart Friends:

Turn bottles upside down! What you say? Yes, by turning ketchup bottles, salad dressing jars, shampoo bottles, etc. upside down, you can usually get just a little more. Hey, it all adds up, just like our magic pennies. All right, I will admit it. I water down the white glue, about half and half. It goes on easier and lasts longer.

The other is about using old magazines. We like to have a variety of magazines that show diverse ethnic groups. The children enjoy looking through them for interesting pictures to tear or cut out, developing those fine muscles. They use them for collages, gifts, match games and more. Some show emotions. Some are useful for encouraging language development. Some elicit "stories" about the pictures. I like to cut out words and letters from headlines for their collage-podge activities. I usually glue these on some cardboard so that whatever is on the reverse side will not confuse the children. Cereal, cracker and cookies boxes provide the cardboard.

We are happy to report that our Executive Director, Luz Nereida Horta, is recovering nicely from her emergency surgery. Our friend and “family” member, Al Werner is also recovering from his surgery. We certainly all wish them the very best.

Congratulatons to Iris Rodriquez, the Administrative Assistant at Better Beginnings. She is now a fully certified citizen of the United States. She told me that she is very happy because now she can vote and be fully involved; also that she can now send for her Mother. She wants to be able to share the “best of times and the worst of times” with her Mom, who will be able to see and enjoy her grandkids.

Pennies are rolling in again with a new total of 1,463,091. Many thanks to friends Sparky James, Iris Jacobs, and, Jeff Eber, sent a collection in via his Dad. Jeff is living in New York now, preparing to get married, but still thinking of Better Beginnings. We are glad that all of them continue to think of us. I like the idea that every time a person puts a penny aside to assist the children and families of Better Beginnings that they are sending us a thoughtful wish. I believe in those good vibes.

Here are some more good vibrations: from Trinity Church in Princeton, via good friend, J. B. Craig, from Larry & Ellen Schneider, from Kathy at Cognetics Corporation, from Susana Nino, and Nunzia Destefano: thanks to these friends, we have the double gift of having them think happy thoughts about us plus for the children's use, more paper goods, children's books, supplies, folders, frisbees, and lots of big boxes of cereal. Good friend and Board Member Mark Magee and his children donated many books and a wonderful play house for our children’s enjoyment and growth.