I am in a world of trouble. My reputation as the source of good things is in jeopardy. It started when "Mr. Jonathan" Craig brought me an early version of my all time favorite book promoting the "can do" philosophy. Yes, the Little Engine that Could. To my delight, I also found a version in Spanish. I thoroughly enjoy reading a story to the children in tandem, that is, I read a page in English and one of our Spanish-speaking teachers reads the same page in Spanish. At a yard sale, I acquired a little four-piece wooden train. With a few ideas for artsy follow-ups, and some more ideas for math concepts, (shapes, counting wheels, etc.) my little road show was underway. I traveled from classroom to classroom, and had the children chanting, "I think I can, I think I can." Wow, what a winner.

Then, I hit the Super Dooper classroom. It turns out there are a host of train enthusiasts in that room, spurred it seems, by "Thomas". They were absolutely enthralled, especially The Chief Engineer, a little guy named Keith. That is when I got the rep for being the purveyor of good things. Such a designation, let me say, is very captivating. He found the opportunity, several times during each day, to stop by my office and push the little train around on my desk. His eyes would totally shine. This was some six months ago. Finally, of course, I transferred the little train to that classroom. Day after day, the little guys played with it.

-EEE-YI-EEE-YI-Oh!-

Now, Keith informs and shows me that the little blue car is broken and that I needed to replace it. I will surely look for one, I told him. "Well," he responds, "Where did you get that one? Go there and get another one." (Don’t you love his logic?) Well, I told him, I got it at a yard sale. "Well," he instructs me, slowly and carefully to assure that I understand, "Go to the yard sale and get another one." "Yard sales are only in the summer, honey", I tell him, not knowing how to tell him that items found at yard sales are pretty much a one-time thing. "Summer is when it is warm," I tell him, "and it is very cold now," slowly and carefully, to assure that he understands.

You know kids. The very next morning, which is today, the coldest day of the year, his first question is, "Do you have the train?" Oh boy. I am going to be asked about this every other minute from now until I finally find another one somewhere and somehow.

Excuse me, I am going now to search the internet. I found the book in Spanish on the internet. Maybe I can find a little toy train, too. Hopefully, it won’t be too expensive and will be on the sort that lasts through lots and lots of enthusiastic play. I think I can. I think I can.

-Do you hear the Whistle Blowing?-

If you can spare a little time each week, you, too, can become captivated. As a volunteer, you can encourage, share, read, play, interact, enjoy. You are needed! Climb Aboard!

-On Another Track, Have you ever been hungry, I mean really hungry?-

I have seen a child's hand shake when she lifted her spoon to eat a bowl of cereal. We learned that she had not eaten since her afternoon snack with us, eighteen hours before. Her only food for a week, in fact, had been at Better Beginnings' table, where we serve breakfast, a morning snack, lunch and a p.m. snack. The family, it turned out, was living in a car, with no money for food or housing. We were so glad to be able to find resources for them, and they were soon on their feet again. We didn't have to look long or far, because Hightstown/East Windsor is a very caring community. Imagine what it would be like to have no-where to turn.

-Have you Ever experienced a Famine?-

The Junior and Senior Highs at the First Presbyterian Church of Hightstown (also Better Beginnings' '"home") are going on a 30-hour famine during the weekend of February 21 and 22. In this way, Laurie Lott, their leader, explains, they bring attention to the needs of others, and experience for themselves what real hunger is like.

I certainly admire what this youth group is doing for others. During the 30 hours they will be having games, discussions, movies, and a Service Project. All young people are welcome to participate. We can help by bringing non-perishable food donations to the First Presbyterian Church and leaving it in the Narthex during the month of February. Last year they collected 32 bags of food, and would like to increase it this year. Are there very many poor and hungry in our area? Ask the Community Action Service Center. The food will go to the Center's food bank, where shelves are running on empty. It has been a hard year and a hard winter for the poor. For more information, FPCH 448-0055.

Punny Penny says the young people are in "train"ing to make a better world.

-Life is Just a Box(car) of Crayons!-

We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors ... But they all have to learn to live in the same box. Thank you to the anonymous someone who sent this saying to me.

-All Aboard the Sharing & Caring Train-

Don't forget that Tuesday is Paper Day. We can use paper of all kinds: toilet, tissue, construction, copy, napkins, even paper money. We use many other materials and items too. Here are some we received this week:

"Mr. Jonathan" Craig, for Trinity Church, brought many items, including a winter coat, globes, books, video tapes, much play equipment, a horsey, a play center and a vanity set. He also brought some brand new children's shoes. What a boon. One of our graduates, Christine Gabriel, brought blocks. We love being remembered in this way. Karen McGuinness also has graced us with many items, including musical CD's. And Laurie DePino, and the DePino Family, have also shared many toys and games. Many thanks for all. You are making a difference.

Pennies are starting to roll in again, for a total of 1,465,380 in total cents, of which 231.44 is dedicated to the playyard improvement project. Thank you Sunny Young, Jenny's and the Twin Rivers Community Trust for your help.

-Gifts that Don't Cost a Cent - Two More"-

The Gift of Laughter - Clip cartoons. Share articles and funny stories. Your gift will say, "I love to laugh with you."

The Gift of Solitude - There are times when we want nothing better than to be left alone. Be sensitive to those times and give the gift of solitude to others.

-ACNJ Update-

The first report "BEYOND THE CASELOAD COUNT: DYFS Staffing Crisis Is More Than Just Numbers" is on the ACNJ website now for you to read! Visit the Association for Children of New Jersey at www.acnj.org or www.kidlaw.org and look for the Policy Brief in "Recent Additions"!

January 21, 2003

-"The Man Who Had a Dream"-

Nonviolent resistance, as taught by Dr. King, himself inspired by Mahatma Gandhi of India, is not cowardice, not passive, not complacent. The nonviolent resister is just as opposed to evil he is standing against as the violent resister. This method is non-aggressive physically but strongly aggressive spiritually. The nonviolent resister does not seek to humiliate or defeat the opponent but to win his friendship and understanding. The aftermath of violence is bitterness. The aftermath of nonviolence is reconciliation and the creation of community. (From Stride Toward Freedom, I Have a Dream, Writings and Speeches that Changed the World, edited by James M. Washington, Harper San Francisco.)

January 14, 2003

-Weapons of Small Destruction -

Happy New Year! Have you chosen to be happy this year? Granted, the year is already speed walking across my January calendar, and it is a mite difficult to maintain a happy demeanor since we are assaulted with so much stomach-turning bad news.

I am, of course, referring not just to war and talk of war; nor just to weapons of mass destruction and their portent for the human race. What has touched us all is the weapon of small destruction: the neglect and abuse of three powerless little children in Newark.

-Parts of the Whole-

If I slip while pounding a nail into the wall and in the process, hit my thumb with a hammer, I will surely feel it throughout my body. Before I go assigning blame to my clumsy hammer hand for slipping, however, I must take into account all of the circumstances. My brain did not assure that the ladder was really sturdy. My foot was not firmly planted so I would not slip. The fact is, all had a part in it, and all felt the hurt.

These little children are a part of our body as a whole, and we all feel the pain. And, yes, regardless of all the pointing fingers, we all carry a part of the burden of blame. We are all of us, whether we accept it or not, our brothers' and sisters' keepers, and most especially we are all responsible to be our children's advocates. They are a part of us, just as we are a part of them. "We are all leaves of a tree, and the tree is humanity," Pablo Cassals.

In this case, as so often happens, fingers are pointing in many directions.

-Case for the workers-

One of those fingers is pointing at the caseworkers. I am personally acquainted with a few of the DYFS (Division of Youth and Family Services) staff who handle child abuse cases. I respect them almost to the point of reverence. Imagine what it must be like, to handle one child abuse case after another, day after day. Dealing with the abusive situation, where there is evidence of a child being hurt is bad enough. Suppose you also have to face hostile, even aggressive family members of the abused child. What if, on top of that, you have a caseload that would choke a horse, and you still had to work as a food server on the weekend to make enough money to pay bills? No wonder it is a burn out job. I have to admit I would be burned out after about one week, even sooner maybe. Just one abuse case can tear me up. Still, the workers I have known continue to be professional, conscientious, and dedicated to their jobs. They are doing work that they see as important, that can make a big difference in the life of a child and family, and which has infinite intrinsic rewards.

Never once, as has been intimated by at least one commentator, have I thought of any one of them as being "indifferent" to a tragedy of a child who is hurt, i.e., abused, abandoned or neglected.

-Indifference?-

Indifferent! Who is indifferent? Does that describe the family and neighbors who do not notice, or if they do notice, do not act on behalf, of children who are suffering? Does it describe a society that ignores the plight of caseworkers who are underpaid and way overloaded? Does it describe a government that neglects to provide up-to-date technology?

-The Thumb points right back-

And, oh yes, WE are the government. I number myself as one who is guilty. I have known for years that child abuse caseworkers are overloaded, under appreciated and, of course, underpaid. I have been aware that the system needs a good shake. I regret that I did not rant sooner. Okay, I did rant. I regret that I did not rant louder. I wish that it had not taken a tragedy to make all of us ready to improve the situation. I only hope we don't accept a band aid and call the problem fixed. Let us not, please, allow it to become "old news". One of the pithy sayings I picked up in New Jersey is, "If you point at finger at someone else, don't forget that the thumb is pointing back at you."

-Missing Kids?-

Headlines tell me that over 100 DYFS children are missing. The implication is that someone is not keeping track or doesn't care. Listen, I know about one of those children. When the suspected abuse was reported, and the caseworker proceeded to investigate, the Mom just packed up kit, kid and caboodle, and kaput! They were gone. As it turned out, this was Mom's pattern, a habitual reaction to investigation. She would simply relocate. The caseworker was close to tears. I was even closer. In fact, I did cry. We could only wait, and see if they turned up somewhere, knowing that probably if they did turn up, it would be because one of the children was again hurt, and again reported. Horrible thought, waiting for a child to be hurt again, and praying that it would not be another tragedy.

-Shouldering my Responsibility-

What is my responsibility? And yes, yours? First, if I suspect that a child is being abused, or subject to neglect, I must engage my advocate role and call for investigation. The number for DYFS Abuse Hotline is written on my telephone - 1-800-392-2721. For you, if you want it, I have a list of warning signs that a child may be being abused or neglected. Email me at BeWith@Mail2Peace.com or snail mail me at PO Box 187 Hightstown NJ 08520.

Another responsibility we have to children, all of us, is to use kind and empowering words with them, and to act with compassion and care. A little bit of kindness goes a long way.

Third, hopefully, we will make sure that our child, Faheem Williams, shall not have died in vain. This time we must monitor carefully the progress being made to improve the bureaucracy. Our friends at ACNJ (Association of Children of New Jersey) will be on the job. Maybe we can help them.

Fourth, we must apply ourselves and nudge, nag and otherwise encourage our representatives to alleviate the devastating effect of those other weapons of mass destruction, poverty, drug abuse, et.al.,  identified by Luz Nereida Horta, Executive Director at Better Beginnings. She reminds me that "besides the immediate need of having more DYFS workers and up to date technology, the problems that lead to child abuse and violence in the home need to be addressed: Poverty, drug abuse, lack of education, lack of health, lack of hope, and yes, lack of faith are all variables in this tragedy." We cannot afford to avert our eyes, or if we do look, say, "There but for the grace of God go I." Instead, we need to say, "There, by the grace of God, am I."

Fifth, We must do what we can and what presents itself in our lives as a chance to affect families and children in our midst, in our state, in our country and in our world. Each of us has opportunities, each of us is blessed with gifts: we each know what they are and need to apply them for the good of the whole. Ignoring our stomachache, or our toothache, or our heartache, does not help our headache.

I am determined to do these five things. They are almost like resolutions. Will you join me?

-Where's the Good News?-

Enough of this plague of bad news.. Where are the headlines trumpeting the good news? Why hasn't anyone pointed out how many children are helped by these caseworkers every day? How many families the "system" encourages and preserves every day? Where are THOSE statistics? Please.

I get a letter occasionally from someone I knew years ago. The letter chronicles, with date and time, all the bad things that have happened to her and her family since the last letter. Not once, in years and years, has a tiny bit of good news crept in. I brace myself when I get one of those letters. I am beginning to feel the same way about radio, TV and, yes, newspapers. (The dailies, of course.) Give me some good news!!! Please.

-Good News Right Here!!-

Tra-Lah! Forgive the rant. Guess what? I have been called the "good news reporter" and I have some. Good news, I mean. Friends of Better Beginnings and our community are extremely supportive of our programs, and that is very good news. It is great good news to live in a caring community.

Our work is considered, among other tasks, as abuse prevention. Also, we are on the front line in looking for and reporting abuse indicators. And, of course, the State does place with us children who have been abused, abandoned and neglected as a number one priority.

-Fostering Good News-

Another chapter in the same book: Foster parents are in short supply. In many cases, they need to have affordable child care in place in order to accept the care of a foster child. Sometimes this may be a family member. We have had extremely rewarding experiences with foster parents. They really love their kids and in many cases, have wound up adopting the children. Please do not think that the stipend offered by the State to foster parents is adequate. But that is another rant for another day.

-The Real Goods-

In support of Better Beginnings, provider of affordable child care, the ways and means for family members to work and provide for themselves and their children, offerer of parenting workshops and more, carrying the gauntlet for positive discipline for children, front line provider of a quality early childhood curriculum, we have many friends. This season past brings out the gifts, but they continue all year 'round.

=======================================

-Hightstown Good News Police -

Hightstown Police was the bearer of good news and tidings of great joy, of course, when they escorted Santa to Better Beginnings a couple of days before Christmas. They gave out boxes and boxes of toys, and the children basked in the approval of the dear old man and his helpers. I really don't know who was glowing most, the children or the Santa Police. I trailed along behind, taking it all in, because I am, of course, a Santa groupie. This is a highlight of the year for all of us, children and adults alike.

=======================================

-More Good News-

Nancy L. Goodman, daughter of our guardian angel, Beverly, remembers her Mother, and us, with a gift to our endowment fund. Heros & Ladies Mentoring Program learned the joy of giving, by donating much needed paper goods, school supplies, construction paper, glue and more, delivered on their behalf by Brenda Werner. And, once again, David T. & Celia D. Abalos have remembered our faculty with a gift certificate for each. Being recognized for the importance of their job by other educators gives us all a lift.

==============Abounding Good News -===================

First Washington State Bank Directors & Officers made a generous contribution to our endowment fund in Memory of Edward C. Johnson.

Lisa Murphy donated children's & women's coats, and toys. Linda Trost donated school supplies from the Junior Friday Club of Hightstown, and she added more children's books. Literacy is high priority with Linda, as it is with us. It can do much to chase poverty from the doorstep.

Howard Vassall made a nice contribution. Angela Racz donated baby clothes, bedding and supplies. Andrew & Denise Millot also made a nice contribution, as did Talia & Harry Terhune. Thank you, all, for keeping Better Beginnings on the map.

============== Great Good News=============

Princeton Area Community Foundation, Inc. (Nancy W. Kieling, ED) and Harbourton Foundation again provided funding of $7,000 for our Bilingual Family Coordinator. Nancy Kieling is the Executive Director of PACF. The foundation has moved to fill many gaps.

Another generous contribution through the Shefa Fund, by the good graces of our long time friend Sylvia Weiss has met a need. Carol and Richard Pennenga have once again honored their daughter, Amy, with a contribution to our endowment fund. Amy is one who advocates for and supports Better Beginnings in many ways and places.

-Faithful Friends From the First-

Frances Rios and Mildred Bell continue their monthly pledge in honor of uncle and brother and our friend, Jimmy Jackson. Founders Joel & Judith Larsen as always honored their monthly pledge. Ondina & Wilfred Jeffers, likewise, have chosen monthly contribution as one of their ways of helping others, especially the little "sugarbushes".

-Youthful Giving is always Good News-

Ms.MacNamara's 4th grade class at Millstone River School collected $49.42 to send to Better Beginnings for the benefit of the children. We salute teacher, Marianne M. MacNamara, for giving her children the opportunity to enjoy sharing, and we salute the children for their youthful efforts to help others.

-Good News from on High-

William W. Craig and his wife, Esther, were both staunch supporters, always helping others, and advocating for Better Beginnings. He has sent a generous contribution in her memory, and believes that however we choose to use, for immediate needs or for the endowment, it will make "Esther smile, looking down from on high." I think there is a good chance that at this very moment she is teaching Faheem to play the violin. Here, below, I am recommending, since the gift was generous enough to do so, that 1/3 go to the endowment so that it lives on in perpetuity, that 1/3 go to add some juice to our music program, and 1/3 go to the playground fund.

-Good News begets more Good News-

Also a Founder, Carol VA Sprout, again sends a generous contribution. Mary & Dick Scaine have gifted us in Honor of David Abalos' father & uncle, Luis Jose' Avalos and Ramon Avalos, mentioned in Dr. Abalos latest book. T. D. & Judith M. Watkins have again made generous contribution. May all YOUR ponds be golden, too, Tory. (See, I do read other people's columns.)

Sharon Lane, who visits us regularly, brought a case of paper from Hightstown Borough. Nick Guilbert from Peddie School stopped by on behalf of Hannah, Stephen & Sarah Guilbert who collected pennies, and also a US Map puzzle, US states magnets to help us learn more about our State, our Country and our World.

Funding for our Super:BB after-school substance abuse and violence prevention program arrived from East Windsor Municipal Drug/Alcohol Alliance: another positive step in combating those twin destructive forces.

Good friend Ann Fruend donated a computer, all components, and other goods, which we will share with our families, helping to chase the evil poverty from yet another doorstep. Sandy Bleman donated toys and other items. "Mr. Jonathan" Craig never misses a week of sharing goods, materials, books, and more, on his own behalf and that of Trinity Church.

Harry Horowitz and his wife, Gert, also made a contribution in honor of the 80th birthday of Joseph Notterman. Harry sincerely believes that by giving little children a good start helps to insure that they grow sturdy and strong -- another positive step in the right direction.

I am happy to live in a world and community with good friends and active participants like this. It bodes well for all of us.

January 7, 2003

-Happy New Year-

A new year has awakened is already speed walking across the pages of my calendar.   Are you happy yet?  What does it take to make you happy?  Abraham Lincoln said, “"Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."    I hope you have made up your mind to be very happy in 2003.

Perhaps you have also made up your mind to make others happy?   Sydney Smith, an English Clergyman, suggested, "Try to make at least one person happy every day, and then in ten years you may have made three thousand, six hundred and fifty persons happy, or brightened a small town by your contribution to the fund of general enjoyment."  Now, that’s a lot of happiness. 

My problem with Reverend Smith’s suggestion is this:  I don’t really know exactly how to make another person happy.  The best I can do is to make a resolution that every morning I will set as a goal for that day to commit at least one random act of kindness. 

 ========================================

-Being Happy is Easy at Better Beginnings-

Of course, I have an advantage.   At Better Beginnings, it is so easy to give a child a little happiness.   All one needs to do is give that child one’s undivided attention for a period of time, letting him know that how important a person he is.   Add to that a comment on some act or deed of his that you admire, and he will glow with happiness, joy even.   Glow, little glowworm, glimmer, glammer.  Of course, you know what happens:  every other child in the room wants to feel that warm glow of approval too, so one must commit, if one is any kind of happy-maker at all, to commenting on an admirable act of each and every one.  Before you know it, you have a whole roomful of joyful little children.   And, oh yes, as an amazing by-product, one finds oneself overflowing with happiness, too. 

 ======================================

-Hightstown Police Spread Happiness-

Hightstown Police witnessed that, of course, when they escorted Santa to Better Beginnings a couple of days before Christmas.  They gave out boxes and boxes of toys, and the children basked in the approval of the dear old man and his helpers.  I really don’t know who was glowing most, the children or the Santa Police.   I trailed along behind, taking it all in, because I am, of course, a Santa groupie.  This is a highlight of the year for all of us, children and adults alike.  Thank you, peacekeepers for spreading so much joy.

 =======================================

-More Makers of Happy-ness-

Nancy L. Goodman, daughter of our guardian angel, Beverly, remembers her and us with a gift to our endowment fund.   Heros & Ladies Mentoring Program learned the joy of giving, by donating much needed paper goods, school supplies, construction paper, glue and more, delivered on their behalf by Brenda Werner.  And, once again, David T. & Celia D. Abalos have remembered our faculty with a gift certificate for each.  Being recognized for the importance of their job by other educators gives us all a lift.

 =================================

-Happiness Abounds-

“One of the things I keep learning is that the secret of being happy is doing things for other people,”  according to Dick Gregory.    "Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose," agrees Helen Keller.

"The greater part of happiness or misery depends on our dispositions, not our circumstances,"  according to Martha Washington.   Perhaps this explains why there are people in dire circumstances, in poor health, who still exude happiness. 

We have been greatly blessed at Better Beginnings.  We have found work that makes us happy.  Even when funding cuts threaten, our strength is our inner core of happiness and satisfaction with the value of the work we do, and the love we share..  This includes a community of friends who participate in and support our mission - make that passion.   

I am grateful, and wish for you, that you find work and deeds that bring you happiness, and that you choose the attitude - adopt the disposition - that will bring you joy.  

Happy New Year!

=================================================

-Penny Pincher Re-uses Greeting Cards-

Penny Pincher, by the way, is wallowing in happiness.   She has all these greeting cards, with beautiful pictures, that she can make into bookmarks, lacing toys, gift tags, ornaments, boxes, placemats, and more.  I have a preference for the lacing cards.  The children will develop fine motor control while using the cards over and over, enjoying the pictures.   If the nature of the picture allows, I sometimes cut the card into a shape, such as a star, heart, circle.  This is a good craft item for children home from school. 

Give them these instructions: Cut out the picture or scene from the greeting card.  Punch holes with a hole puncher all around the outside of the picture. Provide a piece of yarn or ribbon long enough.   “Sew” the yarn or ribbon through the punched holes.  Wrapping the yarn with tape or dipping it in glue will make it easier to thread through the holes.

=======================================

-I'll be happy to hear from you-

If you wish to make a comment, send in an idea for the Pincher, please write to me at BeWith@Mail2Peace.com or PO Box 187, Hightstown, NJ 08520.

 Be HAPPY!

 

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