January 22, 2002

Treat others the way you want to be treated.

What an idea! Can you imagine how it would be if just for one day, everyone would do just that?

It is the law that is the basis for all laws.

It is the rule that is called golden by many.

It is the center of most religions, in one wording or another.

It is the ultimate "act of kindness", not at all random.

Punny Penny will not be repressed. What "kind" of world would that be, she asks.

It would certainly be a peaceful world.

No one likes to be hit or hurt, so there will be no violent acts on this special day. No one likes to be called ugly names, no there will be no name calling. No one wants people to talk about them behind their back, so there will be no gossip. No one wants to be made fun of, so there will be no teasing. No one wants to have lies told about them, so we will have truth telling. It could grow. It could be catching. Governmental bodies might say, "We don't want anyone to destroy us, so we will not destroy anyone!" Do you think we can live in a world like that?

A peaceful world? A non-violent world?

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. thought so. So did Mahatma Gandhi. Both managed to accomplish quite a lot.

"As you press on for justice, be sure to move with dignity and discipline, using only the weapon of love. Let no man pull you low enough to hate him."

These quoted words of Dr. King's were offered by the M. L. King Papers Project at Stanford University. All of his writings are available there and are an excellent resource for learning about Dr. King's principles regarding social justice and his non-violent approach to social change.

Powerful words, those. Powerful force, love. It beats hate every time.

I am going to start the ball rolling. In every interaction with anyone today, Saturday, I am going to deliberately think about how I would feel if I were the person with whom I am interacting. It won't be as hard on the I write this, because it is snowing outside, and I am not going anywhere. I have written several emails to a distant friend who is awaiting a series of tests for what she calls "the big bad wolf". I have also passed along some email thoughts and prayers and jokes from others to her. If I were very ill and afraid, I think I would want to know that others are thinking and praying for me.

I prayed that my family member would not have to go to work today, since she would have to drive some distance in the falling snow. My prayers were answered.  She could not find anyone to substitute for her, but her Manager said she need not come in. That was very kind.

Now I am making some potato and rice soup for her. She is not feeling well, having that combination cold/flu that seems to be the malady of the season. My grandmother used to make that for me when I was sick, and I think it is the ultimate comfort food. She is kind enough to eat a couple of spoons of it.  I think she would have preferred a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

She has put down some salt so that we can walk safely. It is a special type of salt that is not injurious to animals' paws. She has also put out food and water and set up boards and tables to protect the food from the falling snow. She is very kind to animals. I tell her so. If I took that much time, while feeling unwell, to assure safety of humans and animals, I would want to be appreciated.

Treating others as we want to be treated is not that easy. But a peaceful home, town, workplace, state, country, world is, I think, worth every minute and all the effort.

Think about it. I will take it as a kindness.

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Kindness itself is Nancy Goodman, who sent a generous contribution to Better Beginnings' fledgling endowment fund in memory of her mother, Beverly Goodman.  Miss Beverly loved the children of Better Beginnings, and they loved her. She thoroughly enjoyed and advocated for the work of the center.   A certificate has bee been placed in Better Beginnings' Book of Honors in recognition of the memory gift.

Another generous contribution came from Denise and Andrew Milot. The contributions make a big difference to the center and in the lives of the children and families it serves, particularly since need increases and revenue is in jeopardy.  The American Baptist Women of Hamilton Square Baptist Church surprised us with another generous contribution.  Joel and Judy Larsen's monthly contributions have come in, "right on time."  These are all particularly welcome as needs grow and revenue is less than usual.

Kind heart Delores Murphy continues to help Better Beginnings with many donations that are needed, including food. Better Beginnings assists in the anti-hunger movement by providing nutritious breakfast, lunch and snacks for the children.

Althea Lewis kindly collected 2,150 pennies in a jar she keeps on her desk.  Rick Perez from Schroeder and Perez brought in 4,900 pennies he saved for the center.  Other handsome lots of copper coins came in from the Cochancela, the Helping Hands, Sunny Young Deli, Clara Martino, and the Smilies.  The total is now, ta da, 1,406,855.    What a blessing to have the coins coming in again.

Clara Martino's fingers have been flying again, resulting in ten more blankets for the children.  Due to the popularity of the first one, she has once again crocheted one in patriotic colors, to be a door prize at the next HOPE meeting.

Deborah Wilmer of Junior Friday Club, Deb Roca, and Arlene Banks donated many needed materials for the children, including party goods (for children's birthdays), toys, puppets and other articles. Penny Pincher takes delight in such items.

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Penny Pincher loves to make things from items that would otherwise be thrown away. She is looking for ideas for using cardboard packing boxes. Send your thoughts to her at bbpeace@altavista.com.

In the meantime, she had discovered seeds. For a tiny investment, she has found, you can plant a seed from which may come a vegetable worthy of eating or a flower to enjoy with all your senses. If you would like to have a flower, say a Marigold, in time for Mother's Day, she suggests that you plant that seed now, perhaps in a cup you were about to (gasp, horrors) throw into the waste heap.

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Althea Lewis, Director of Support Services at Better Beginnings, has brought our attention to some kindnesses she has noticed around the center. She commends:

*Executive Director Luz Nereida Horta for introducing her to new programs on the computer and the internet;

*Ana Grisales and Consuelo Ayala for translating papers;

*Cenaida Alvarez for preparing the children's meals in the absence of the Food Service Manager; and

*Gloria Perez, for volunteering in the kitchen.

Pretty Penny thanks them, too, and hopes that others will send in other indications that acts of kindness are proliferating.

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Do you have a few hours each week that you can spend at Better Beginnings? You can make a huge difference in the lives of our children as a music maker, as a nurturing assistant, as a computer mentor, or as a literacy mentor. If that isn't interesting enough, or if you like the sound of children's happy voices, but at a little distance, we can certainly use some office help, too. Call 609-448-6226 and ask for Luz Nereida Horta for more details. If you would like to visit, the center is located at 318 North Main Street in the Education Building of the First Presbyterian Church. If you would like to know more about Better Beginnings, visit www.princetonol.com/groups/bbcdc.

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Contributions to Better Beginnings' endowment fund are invested for the purpose of earning revenue to help the center meet expenses now and in the future. The long range goal is to insure the center's stability.  In a real sense, such contributions are living gifts, that will be perpetuated over many years ahead, empowering children and families to provides for themselves, and reach their full potential.
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Better Beginnings provides affordable child care for income-eligible families.  More information can be found at www.princetonol.com/groups/bbcdc.
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January 15, 2002

Encouraging peaceful problem solving while surrounded with violent talk and actions can get pretty, well, DIS-couraging.    TV is one of the culprits often named and blamed.   Some parents point to the amount of violence; others are concerned about the negative portrayal of ethnic groups; some wish their children would read more, get more sunshine and fresh air, interact more with their peers.
**
Here is what one family does.  They promote independent thinking and choice making while limiting TV time.  They make TV tickets.  Each ticket has a value of one-half hour of TV watching.  Each child receives 4 tickets every Sunday.  Anytime a child wants to watch TV, he turns in one ticket. The one who gives up the ticket picks the show.  When the tickets are gone, they wait until the next Sunday before getting any more.  The parent reports that the children are satisfied with this because they can choose the TV programs they like most, and they think it is “fair”.
**
Another parent allows their children to watch all the TV they want to, as long as it is on a PBS station.
**
Another allows non-violent TV time in direct correlation to the number of books, or chapters in a book, the child reads.
**
Still another allows additional TV time if a written report is made about the show.
**
Punny Penny thinks these ideas could “make change”.  If you would like to put in your two cents worth, you can email her at bbpeace@altavista.com
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Penny Pincher does not like being called “cheap”.   She prefers to think of herself as one who uses resources wisely.  She likes to make every cent count.  She thinks recycling and reusing makes a lot of cents.
**
Many out of date calendars have beautiful photographs and pictures.   Janice Jones, Co-Director of Education at Better Beginnings, welcomes these.   She removes or cuts out the pictures and makes them into a book.  The children love thumbing through these books, most of which are grouped, such as wild animals or pets.   In this way, the children are learning important categorizing skills as well as enjoying the illustrations and exploring the words describing them.
**
Congratulations, Miss Janice, you win Penny Pincher’s Resource Reward of the Week.  What is the reward?   No, it is NOT another out-of-date calendar.   It is one hundred cents to use any way you want!!   (Come on what did you expect from the Pincher?)  All right, so that IS a little cheap.  Pincher agrees to double it, since the idea serves more than one purpose!
**
If you have ideas you think the Pincher would like, please send them to bbpeace@altavista.com.   If printed in this column, you, too, could win a Reward.   Choice and Reward is at the sole discretion and whim of the writer.
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How could we ever forget Amy Pennenga?  During the year of 2001, this cheerful young woman gave so much of her talented self:  she volunteered her time, collected coins, and donated stuffed animals.  She made a difference in her community and in the lives of others.   The children loved her.  Yet, she registered great surprise when near the end of the year, we reiterated our gratitude, sent her a calendar book, and later, a copy of our newsletter.
**
Now her name has been entered into Better Beginnings’ Book of Honors for perpetuity.  As a holiday gift, Carol and Rich Pennenga made a generous contribution in Amy’s name to the center’s fledgling endowment fund.  In so doing, they invested in the future, helping to assure that the work of the center continues and local children and families will benefit.  A certificate was sent to Amy, another to Carol and Rich, and another resides in the Book of Honors.
**
Contributions to Better Beginnings’ endowment fund are invested for the purpose of earning revenue to help the center meet expenses now and in the future.   The long range goal is to insure the center’s stability, by increasing revenue in order to adequately compensate staff, and decreasing unending threats of cuts in funding.  In a real sense, the contribution is a living gift, which will be perpetuated over many years ahead, empowering children and families to provide for themselves and reach their full potential.
**
Similar gifts for Birthdays, Memorials, and other special events and remembrances are available.   At your direction, a  certificate will be mailed to you, or, if you wish, it will be sent directly to the recipient.  Better Beginnings will act promptly and an acknowledgement will be sent to you.   The children will also send you an appreciation gift for caring about their present
needs and future hopes.   And, oh yes, Pretty Penny just reminded me:  Better Beginnings is a 501(c)3 organization which means, of course, that contributions are tax-deductible.
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Clara Martino continues to crochet blankets for the children.  Her fingers give real meaning to the phrase, “a mile a minute.”  Among the latest group is one that she especially made in “patriotic” colors, red white and blue.   Everyone who sees it wants that particular one:  to be fair, we will probably offer it as a door prize at our next HOPE meeting at the Center on January 23, 6:00 p.m.  Lynn Bridge, who is one of the teachers placed by Project Child at Better Beginnings, will discuss Positive Discipline.  Public is welcome.
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Greg Overstreet, Assenka Oksiloff of Mothers & More, Greg Washington, the Yardville National Bank, Joanne Balog, Pete Bussone, and Carolyn Rosen, have contributed toys, crayons, markers, books, paper goods, games, furnishings and canned goods.  These donations help the center eke out its funding and assure a quality learning program for the children.    The children and siblings all received of holiday gifts; and some toys and games are set aside for birthday gifts.
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Eligibility and co-pay for Better Beginnings’ affordable child care is based on income and family size.   Generosity of community members helps to assure that working poor parents, for whom the full cost of care would be prohibitive, can continue to work and provide for themselves and their children.
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The chart for eligibility and co-pay is available at Better Beginnings’ website, maintained by volunteer webmeister Liston Abbott.
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Contributions have been received from Arlene O’Rourke, Diane Eder, Wilfred & Ondina Jeffries, and the American Baptist Women.  The latter is inspired, we are sure, by our friend, Betty Walton Fling.
**
Every month begins with a generous contribution from Joel and Judy Larsen.  Minnie Bell and Frances Rios also faithfully contribute in memory of brother and uncle Jimmy Jackson.
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Thank you for caring about the needs of others.
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I will always remember Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.  He inspired so much with his dream and his fervor for justice, compassion, responsibility, non-violence and moral courage.   We can honor him that through acts of kindness (helping others) and acts of justice (standing up for what is right).
**
I asked second-grader Christian what was the best thing that had happened to him that week.  His eyes lit up and he responded immediately:  “That big boy helping me with my homework!”   The “big boy” was a teen volunteer.   He made a big difference in Christian’s week and, who knows, maybe his life.  If he helped Christian untangle a puzzling concept, it could affect his subsequent learning and attitude towards learning.   Wow, that’s a big return for a small investment of time and an understanding attitude.
**
Minnie Bell reports that when she entered the hospital for tests, that her daughter called Nancy Kennedy Green, a long-term staff member at Better Beginnings.  Mrs. Green picks up Mrs. Bell on Tuesday, her volunteer day.  Frances Rios, the daughter, wanted to let Mrs. Green know NOT to pick up Mrs. Bell.   It was either very late at night, or very early in the morning,
according to your point of view.
**
Mrs. Green got up, dressed, and went some distance to the hospital where she stayed with Mrs. Bell until the tests were completed and the patient could go home.   Both are kind and giving people.  Dr. King, wherever you are, your spirit endures!
**
Please let me know of Acts of Kindness and Acts of Justice so that I can share them.  This is a time in our lives when it is comforting and healing to hear of goodness and charitable acts.
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Volunteers and contributions are needed.  Come share the joy!   Call Better Beginnings at 609-448-6226; e-mail Bettie Witherspoon at bbpeace@altavista.com; write to PO Box 187, Hightstown, NJ 08520; visit 318 North Main Street in Hightstown.   Website: www.princetonol.com/groups/bbcdc
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January 2, 2002

A new year has dawned.   It is a time for wishes:  mine for everyone:   a measure of contentment, a source of joy, a core of inner peace, enough resources for shelter, clothing and food.

It is a time for resolutions.  We are offered a fresh page on which to imprint our aspirations.   Some choose not to make resolutions, saying they don't keep them anyway.

We are advised not to worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  (Bible)  I take this to mean that goals are accomplished in small increments, one step at a time.  From the time we take our very first step, every step we take is uncertain.  Still it is our nature and inherent duty to take each step with assurance and determination.

Setting goals is worthwhile.  Where do we want our steps to take us?  Sometimes resolutions come unraveled, it is true, but that is no reason not to keep trying.  The average number of times that a smoker resolves to quit smoking before actually succeeding, I have heard, is seven.  “If at first you don’t succeed, try try again.”  (My grandmother, again, an old adage.)  "Reach high, for stars lie hidden in your soul.  Dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal."  (R.Y. Starrlife)

One of the techniques for substance abuse prevention is to teach children how to set short- and long-term goals for themselves.  For a young child, resolving to keep hands to self for an hour can be “short term”.  As he gains years, however, this can keep extending from an hour to a day to a week, to a month to a marking period, to a year, even.

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” I often hear adults ask a child that question.  In effect, this encourages the child to set a long-range goal. Sure it will change from time to time as he gains experience.  But …once he has perceived a future with hope, he is much less likely to let destructive behaviors interfere with goal accomplishment.  We encourage this further, when at a dress-up time such as Halloween, we ask children to dress up as what they want to be when they grow up.    Fire Departments that are lacking adequate volunteers will be glad to know there is hope for the future.  Fire Company “costumes” were very, very popular this year, right up there with Police personnel.

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Maybe a parent’s resolve is to continue to provide a good role model for peaceful problem solving.   Early on, we start saying, “Use your words.” to little children whose preferred method may be grabbing, biting, hitting, or otherwise being totally un-peaceful.  For adults, too, differences may be resolved with dialogue, hopefully before the disagreement grows out of
proportion.  Dialogue is a way for people to go beyond the exchanging of words to actual thinking together, hopefully to arrive at a mutually agreeable win-win resolution.

Dialogue is not possible, of course, unless both parties are in a calm and open attitude.   To review, this means using whatever technique works to calm down.  Taking deep breaths (from the diaphragm) helps.  Try to figure out why and how the disagreement arose.  Remember that anger usually comes from hurt.  When you are both calm, it is time to ask to sit down and address the conflict.  In this way, you are telling the other party, “You are important to me.  How you feel is important to me.  Our relationship is valuable to me.”

And your child, who so adores you and emulates you, sees that you, too, “use your words.”  And even if you have no child, it is good for you too.  It could even affect your health.   On one hand, you are much less likely to get into a violent brawl, which is an immediate danger to your health; and even if that is improbable, your blood pressure will normalize.

Now, how to assure that you have a dialogue that steers you across the river of disagreement, while the alligators of anger and hurt torment your heels?  Ah, that is another story for another day.

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Another Penny Rhyme

He called me a name. It made me so mad.
It hurt my feelings and I felt so bad.
I wanted to call HIM a name and add a curse.
But I STOPped and I thought, “That’ll just make it worse.

I took ten deep breaths, but still I was stressed.
So I walked away.  Time to cool off seemed best.
I gave myself time, to calm down and reflect.
Was my friend hurt too?  Why so little respect?

Subsequent verses to follow.
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Penny Pincher is so happy and so busy.  She got a tip that pages from catalogs could be cut or torn into strips and then be rolled up (and glued) to make very colorful beads.   She is so busy, in fact, that she has not yet started using all the tips for recycling greeting cards.    Odd Penny thinks the Pincher has become a little obsessed, tearing and rolling catalog page after catalog page, then stringing bead after bead.  She might be thinking of selling them, or giving them as gifts.  Fair warning.

Santa Claus and friends from the Cranbury Lions visited the children on Friday afternoon, December 21.   The children’s self esteem was lifted a mile high to think that the Santa thought them “so good” that he came back with a second gift.  As the guy in the red suit was leaving, another guy in regular clothes was just entering.  This guy, asking to be anonymous, holding the door for Santa, brought a nice-sized check for the center.  This Santa-man has visited often.  He recognizes that Better Beginnings, like many day-to-day and year-to-year agencies, was suffering a decrease in contributions.    He wants to help assure that the center is able to keep its doors open.  This service is not an entitlement, like public school.  It depends on grants, the good will of its governing bodies, contributions, and fundraisers to subsidize the cost of care.   In this way, working poor parents are assured affordable co-pay, and children benefit from a safe, nurturing learning environment.   Thank you, Mr.SantAnonymous, and bless you for your generous spirit.

Minute Maid, Better Beginnings' first-ever and for-ever faithful corporate sponsor, has again contributed a generous annual gift, at a time when it is much needed.   They are good neighbors throughout the year, also, providing us with juice day after day and week after week for the children.  This was most welcome when our food service funding was cut.  Providing nutritious meals and snacks for the children is part of the center's anti-hunger component.

Volunteers and contributions are still needed.  Come share the joy!

Call Better Beginnings at 609-448-6226; e-mail Bettie Witherspoon at
bbpeace@altavista.com; write to PO Box 187, Hightstown, NJ 08520; visit 318
North Main Street in Hightstown.
 

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