February 26, 2002

"It takes all kinds to make a world,"  someone commented to me.  Punny Penny rejoins, "It takes many kindnesses to make a world of joy."  Here are a few kindnesses I have noticed this past week.

Liston Abbott, long time Chairman of the Board at Better Beginnings, has created a network site for Better Beginnings' staff, administration, board and others to view documents, policies, mail, and even photos of staff.  That was a large job he has been working on for hours and days and weeks and months.  He's that kinda guy.

The Mayor and Council of East Windsor were kind enough to give up their Saturday so that Better Beginnings staff and board, among others, could come in and make presentations and share information.   Staff and board members were kind enough to attend the hearing and share their thoughts.   A few parents, with children, in kind, were gracious enough to share how much they need the center and how pleased they are with their children's progress.

Better Beginnings' staff members, even substitutes, were kind enough to come in to attend a workshop on a holiday.   They could have been grumpy and resentful.  Instead, they said many kind things about each other.  They were even kind enough to say thank you for the information being presented.

Genuardis regularly sends us food and other staples.  Minute Maid sends juice to the children every week so that they can have their morning snack.  These kindnesses insure that Better Beginnings can continue to provide nutritious meals as a part of its anti-hunger project.  Anyone who has seen a little child tremble when she sits down to a bowl of cereal because she and her family have not had enough food would appreciate the kindness these good neighbors.

At the supermarket, I noticed that several people with lots of items in their carts were kind enough to let someone with only one item go ahead of them.  As I waited in my car at a traffic light, I saw someone wave another driver to enter from a side street.  People unknown to me were kind enough to hold the door while I was struggling with packages.

Do you think kindness is catching?  Or is it that I have tuned in to kindnesses around me?  Both?

Is it a coincidence that there are unmistakable auras of joy around those who commit acts of kindness, deliberately or randomly.  Au contraire, it is possible, even in difficult times, to experience joy.  Extreme gladness is a state of mind that can be developed and nurtured.  It feeds on kindness.

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Children from the Lollipop class just popped in with their drums, made from decorated coffee cans, and recited the days of the week to me, in rhythm with their instruments.  (They were, of course, displaying their musical intelligence.)  You gotta love 'em, they are so full of joy.
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Penny Pincher has a cousin named Common Cents who isn't doing very well.  Common Cents sees way too much stuff being thrown away that could be reused or recycled. It makes him ill.  Penny Pincher thought it would be kind to send him a get-well card.  She did not buy one.  She made it herself.  She cut up a cardboard box, then painted a beautiful picture on the cardboard, printed her get-well message on it, and sent it to him.  He felt much better.

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Common Cents has a next-door neighbor named Common Sense.  Sometimes their e-mail gets mixed up.  The other day, one of them got an attachment which neither one of them accepts.  The e-message claimed that an American citizen, published in a local newspaper wrote the attachment.  Common Sense will tell you that if this is so, some copyright laws have been seriously compromised.   The contents of the so-called editorial troubled me.

Here is just one sentence, "The idea of America being a multicultural community has served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity."

My gut response is that *the idea that America is anything BUT multicultural is a delusion.  Further, I perceive our diversity to be a well spring of strength.  What America are we talking about:  Canada?  Mexico?   Argentina?  Central America? Latin America?   Just when was it that the United States became ALL of America?

What is meant by sovereignty?  The definitions of dominion, supremacy, superiority, domination, power, authority, control: are bothersome.  The remaining definitions of independence and self-government are interesting and do include ALL of our citizens, right?  That is constitutional, n'est pas?

National identity?  Our national identity is diluted by the idea of "America" being a multicultural community?  I thought that our national identity WAS one of encouraging everyone, regardless of race, color, creed, national origin, etc., to become a part of and contribute to the whole.   Like our body, all of our parts contribute to the whole: the knees are no less important that the thumbs, just because they are "different" and have a "different" function:  each body part contributes to the whole.

And THAT is just one sentence in a long essay.   Throughout the writer kept using "we" and "our" as if it included all of "us" in one homogenous lump of arrogance.    Sure there are many, many ways in which we are alike:  we all breathe, feel, cry, love, feel anger at times, hurt, struggle, feel hunger, need rest, and enjoy humor, for a few.  Physically, we are 99% alike, according to the genome research.   But in other ways, we are each unique.  If we were all flowers, we would make one beautiful bouquet. In fact, I think we do.  And now I am going to leaf that alone.  For now.
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Better Beginnings is still watching its pennies.  Thanks to Amy Pennenga, Sunny Young Deli, Pete Bussone, and the Autumn Club, the coin collection has now reached 1,413,465.  We were glad to hear from good friend, Mary G. Grooms, now the President of the Autumn Club, and also from Annabel Wyhnanez who once again sent us a very generous contribution.   Amy also brought stuffed animals and art materials.  Thank you, every one, for your caring kindness.
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Here is a different kind of charity event.  William M. Mercer, Inc. has named Better Beginnings as their charity of the month for the month of August.  August is a fine month for this purpose, because it has five Fridays.   They will be collecting $2 from each employee for each of the five Fridays that he or she wears denim.  I always DID think denim was a special kind of fabric.  What fun, and what a way to create a kind and caring atmosphere in the workplace. Thank you, Sue Jaeger, for sharing this information with us.
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Better Beginnings continues to depend on volunteers.  Share some time with the children, become a computer mentor, be a music maker, help with translation, help with office work: you will enjoy it!
 

February 19, 2002

 "Should be .. ain't is!"

In a much earlier life, while very young and way naïve, I undertook to disagree with a workshop presenter.  I don't know what the topic was but I do remember using the word "should" and his rapid-fire pronouncment.  It stuck like verity in my mind.

Recently, like one of those annoying repetitive pop-up or pop-under ads on "free" email and websites, it presented itself, then rushed right out of my mouth without even stopping to consult my brain.

One of my co-elders said, "Parents should take care of their kids.  They shouldn't expect US to do it".  Sheesh!  All I did was suggest that she could relieve her boredom and aimlessness by spending an hour or two with a lonely child.  Before I knew it, "Should be ain't is" pops right out of my mouth.  In response, annoying elder, now on social security and enjoying profits from husband's 401(k) investment, snaps:  "What do you mean? You are usually so grammatical.  Why are you talking like that?"

Reasonable, intelligent elder (me) answers, "I'm talking about the needs of a lonely child, not the parent!"

• "WHAT if the parent is working ten hours a day and has only 45 minutes in total ALL day with the child?"
• "What if the parent has to work two jobs to feed, clothe and house the family?"
• "What if the parent wants more than anything to stay at home with her child, but needs to work because she lost her spouse?"
• "What if the child has been through a trauma, such as violence in the home or witnessing a national tragedy, that has left him feeling hopeless and powerless?"

A.E. sputters, "Well all I know is I raised my children and taught them right from wrong, and other people should too."  I respond, "Well, what I know is that these children are the only future we have.  We all are responsible for all of our youth.

1. They deserve nurturing just because they are young and tender little beings.
2. They require our attention because they are our potential leaders and providers. It is less than intelligent for us to give them less than our best."

 "Humph".  End of conversation.
              ****
To be clear, I admire, nearly to the point of envy, young parents who have chosen the well being of their children over the "wealth" of a job for the second parent. How we (society) were able to instill such values during the "me" generation is a wonder.  What is even MORE wonderful is that the stay-at-home Moms known to me also have great compassion for parent or parents who MUST work, especially the working poor.

What caused my recurring phrase to pop into mind again this week, was a statement made by Maurice Elias, author of the book, "Promoting Social and Emotional Learning: Guidelines for Educators".   Parents, he said, spend an average of only 43 minutes per day with their children, while educators spend six hours per day.  That is why, he adds, that the job of teaching values to children has fallen on the schools.  (Aside to Dr. Elias and anyone concerned: children in child care spend up to ten hours a day in the care of their teachers.)

Parents, especially the working poor, have too little time and too much to do to provide food and shelter.  However, Dr. Elias to the contrary, we know that even with only 45 minutes, the parent is the most powerful and lifetime teacher.  Still, these parents do turn to their child's educators for direction.

There are other considerations.  Here are some more "what ifs".    What if the parent of the child does not have the values of honesty, peaceful problem solving, overcoming prejudice, patience, perseverance, caring, trust, respect, responsibility, family, good judgment?  What if other forces are at work in our society that place greater value on possessions, status and looks?  What is our responsibility?

Dr. Elias was speaking to a statewide group of principals and other educators.  It is comforting to know that they are addressing the responsibility all of us as educators have for the emotional and social development of the children in our charge.

However, I feel that every community member has a responsibility to the whole, be it protecting our homes like the firefighters; providing governance like our municipal leaders and boards; or providing other important strengths, such as feeding the hungry or giving a little time and friendship to our children.  We do depend on the schools, Dr. Elias, but we must not and cannot "leave it to the schools" alone.

All of this flooded my mind recently because I was asked to facilitate a curriculum workshop at Better Beginnings on Monday, February 18.  The curriculum area we addressed was Social/Emotional Development for the young child.  This served as an orientation for new staff and amplification for the experienced. We merged this section of the relatively recent publication by the New Jersey Department of Education Expectations for Early Childhood Education programs with the same section of Better Beginnings curriculum guide.  Teams of staff members suggested some tried and true activities to implement the following
expectations.

• All children will develop self-confidence and self-esteem.
• All children will develop relationships with peers through play including conflict resolution skills and sensitivity to the feelings, interests, and needs of others.
• All children will demonstrate affection and appropriate physical contact.
• All children will demonstrate positive behavior.
• All children will develop resilience to stressful situations.
• All children will develop a beginning interest in self-help skills.
• All children will be able to express their feelings.
• All children will develop social skills that are age appropriate to their age.

Now, Better Beginnings needs some serious help with cross-translating.

Future plans for the merging of expectations in other early childhood curriculum areas include language development and literacy, mathematics, science, visual discrimination, auditory discrimination, creative arts, gross and fine motor control, social studies, and health/ safety.

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Jim Johnson and Marvin Inman have both received a special birthday remembrance from Harry Horowitz and family.  Very generous contributions have been made in each of their names, and those names have now been entered into Better Beginnings' Book of Honors for perpetuity.  By making this contribution to the center's fledgling endowment fund, they have invested in the future, helping to assure that the work of the center continues, and local children and families will benefit.

Similar gifts for Birthdays, Memorials, and other special events and remembrances are available.   At your direction, a certificate will be mailed to you, or, if you wish, it will be sent directly to the recipient.  Better Beginnings will act promptly and an acknowledgement will be sent to you.  Better Beginnings is a 501(c)3 organization which means, of course, that contributions are tax-deductible.

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Jimmy Jackson is remembered regularly by his sister, Minnie Bell, and niece, Frances Rios.  Every month they make a contribution in his name to the Memorial Fund, also a part of the endowment fund, in his name.  He is remembered by all of us in many ways.  They have made it very special.
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Puzzles, Children's videos, singalongs books, a Little Types Tractor, scissors, crayons, glue, cards, food, photos, and ten more hand crocheted blankets were contributed by our friends at Dutch Neck Presbyterian Church Coop, Pete & Carrie Bussone, Hightstown Housing Authority, Anita Brink, Lisa Marie's Gift Shop, Carmen Amodol, and Celia and David Abalos.  A special thanks this week to Samantha, Sean & Emlily LeBlanc whose Mom, Jordana, went to school with my daughter.  Thank you for sharing with "my other" children at Better Beginnings.
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Empire Corporate Federal Credit Union collected $110 at their office party for Better Beginnings.  We thank them again for their generosity and concern in stretching a helping hand for the children and families who are reaching upward.
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Please remember Dr. Abalos book signing at Better Beginnings on Friday, March 1, from 7:00 - 9:00 p.m..  Publication of his new book, "The Latino Male: A Radical Redefinition", is creating excitement all across the country and has received rave reviews.  The descriptions and stimulus for change set forth by Dr. Abalos applies to all males and affects all females.  In setting the stage for National Women's History Month, Dr. Abalos selected the center, the Latina Women's Council and the students of Adelante for this honor.
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Better Beginnings has been providing affordable child care for the community since 1967.

February 12, 2002

Have a heart!  In the midst of Random Acts of Kindness Week, by "coincidence", we celebrate St. Valentine's Day.  Young athletes, realizing a long-term dream, are putting their heart and soul into excelling in the Olympics, itself a model based on peaceful solutions.  And now, a man, our sitting President, who hails from deep in the heart of Texas, has called upon us to commit deliberate acts of kindness.  He wants us to volunteer.

Volunteering, gifting others with your time and talent and, yes, your heart, I agree, gives balance to our world.  Like a fine watch, each of us, whether we are springs or coils, pins or wheels, large or small, has a part to play in order for the whole to function. Wonderfully, not everyone wants or is equipped to volunteer to do the same thing.

Our community excels in volunteerism.  Our governing bodies, their numerous boards, and most admired, our fire companies and rescue squads: all depend on willing volunteers.   The President speaks of "homeland" defense.  These volunteers, along with our police, are our "homeTOWN" defense.  I am in awe of these groups; if you are inclined towards this field, please, we need you.

Many clubs and organizations are composed of volunteers.  P.A.L., for example, needs many volunteers for coaches and other responsibilities.  I see that the YMCA is starting a Friday Activities Club at the middle school and needs volunteers.  These are examples of the charitable organizations in our community which succeed because of willing volunteers.  If, as Papa Bush proclaimed, each volunteer is a point of light, then our community is positively radiant.

There are many resources on the internet that will help anyone find a volunteer opportunity. One is VolunteerMatch.org.   Others include  Princetonol.com and HandsonHelpers.org. All three have routed volunteers to Better Beginnings.

Better Beginnings' mission to "encourage families and children to reach their full potential" thrives on volunteers.   Great joy comes from helping others reach for their dreams.  In some cases, the dream is simply to be able to provide food and shelter for one's family, including sending a few dollars "back home" where, in some cases, famine is a sad reality.

In another instance, a child's dream includes learning to read in his second language. Another child may yearn for a safe home where violence and neglect have no place. Some may simply want enough to eat.  Others may simply want an even playing field on which to keep up with their schoolmates.  All are eager to learn and grow.

Jiminy Cricket said, when I was young, "When your heart is in your dream, no request is too extreme."

So here is my not-too-extreme request: Please include volunteering for Better Beginnings in your thoughts as you seek an outlet for your loving spirit.  Perhaps you could, once a week, lend a hand and a heart as a Nurturing Assistant for the preschoolers. Music makers are needed, too; all you have to do is love to sing.  Playing an instrument is good, but not required.  You may wish to further Better Beginnings' dream of digital inclusion by offering usable computers, helping repair computers, or helping children and adults become computer literate.   As a literacy mentor, you may wish to help Kindergarten children learn to read.   A lot of help is needed with office work, too.  If you are bilingual, Spanish/English, your help is needed with translating letters, documents, curriculum, policies and flyers.  If you work and your hours preclude this kind of commitment, perhaps you can collect coins for our penny drive.  Collections of paper goods, food, and other similar items are also needed.

I loved Jiminy Cricket.  What a guy!  I even had a little pin created after his image that I liked to wear.  I wonder what ever happened to that pin.
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We are saddened by the death of Gloria Daniels.  She gave much of herself as a teacher and as a volunteer.  She was very active with the Central Jersey Network of Black Women, especially in encouraging youth to dream and reach for their
aspirations. Our community is a better place for her having made her home here.  We miss her.
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Our heartfelt thanks to our Valentine of the week: Dennis McClary sent in another very generous contribution.  What a guy!  He is ALL heart.
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Elsie L. & James R. Deane made a generous contribution in the name of J. L. Deane, and it has been entered into Better Beginnings' Book of Honors for perpetuity.  By making this contribution to the center's fledgling endowment fund, they have invested in the future, helping to assure that the work of the center continues, and local children and families will benefit.

Similar gifts for Birthdays, Memorials, and other special events and remembrances are available.   At your direction, a certificate will be mailed to you, or, if you wish, it will be sent directly to the recipient.  Better Beginnings will act promptly
and an acknowledgement will be sent to you.  Better Beginnings is a 501(c)3 organization which means, of course, that contributions are tax-deductible.
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Please set aside Friday, March 1, from 7:00 - 9:00 p.m., for a very special experience.  In collaboration with two other local organizations, Better Beginnings will be the site for a book signing by a nationally known and highly respected author, Dr. David T. Abalos.  Publication of his new book, "The Latino Male: A Radical Redefinition", is creating excitement all across the country and has received rave reviews.  The descriptions and stimulus for change set forth by Dr. Abalos applies to all males and affects all females.  In setting the stage for National Women's History Month, Dr. Abalos selected the center, the Latina Women's Council and the students of Adelante for this honor.
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Penny Pincher's heart is broken when she sees "trash" cluttering up the landfill, when it could be turned into treasure.  She found a website,  http://familycrafts.about.com/library/bltrashtr.htm which lists second lives for everything from bags to yarn.  For example, ten possibilities for re-using large cardboard cartons are listed.  My favorite is a fire truck that the child wears.  Another is a Cardboard Box Castle.  If you want copies, just email me at bbpeace@altavista.com, or write to me at PO Box 187, Hightstown, NJ 08520.
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Copper coins are rolling in again.  A total of 3,250 were collected this week, with the Smilies class, Jennifer & Bobby Freud, Matt Bernstein, and Sunny Young Deli adding to the new total of 1,410,105 or equivalent.  A heart-y thanks to each.
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Arlene O'Rourke is full of heart.  Her latest donation is a laptop computer with a small printer and software that will make some young student very happy.  Which young student will be determined at the center's next parent meeting.
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Early detection of vision and hearing problems is important.  Sharon Lane of Hightstown and Sue Malec of East Windsor put their hearts into their work by giving of their time and expertise to provide screening for Better Beginnings' young students.  This made a decided difference in these young lives, especially those who did, in fact, show indicators for further testing.
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Mazel Tov David Schneider, now you are Bar Mitzvah, and to your parents Ellen and Larry Schneider, your sister, Abigail, and all your loving family and friends.  Thank you for including me in the celebration of such a special occasion.
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For further information about Better Beginnings, please visit www.princetonol.com/groups/bbcdc, volunteer webmeister Liston Abbott, or pay us a visit at 318 North Main Street in Hightstown.

Call Better Beginnings at 609-448-6226; e-mail Bettie Witherspoon at bbpeace@altavista.com; write to PO Box 187, Hightstown, NJ 08520; visit 318 North Main Street in Hightstown.
 

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