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BETTER BEGINNINGS
PENNY PATTER

December 22, 2003
Kindness is Learned?
"We are kind and courteous, courteous, courteous!" The Heart Friends are belting out their class song to the tune of "Mary Had a Little Lamb." This is a good time of year to think about kindness and courtesy. The Heart Friends come to Better Beginnings after a part day at Kindergarten. I am hoping that they will internalize those words.

Courtesy manifests itself through what we call "good manners", but it is rooted in respect and understanding for others. Its 

   

v h  practice requires leadership from adults, family and teachers. We are teaching all the time, whether we think we are leading a lesson or not. In fact, some think that the children learn more from observing what we do than from what we say. This is a good time of year for children to learn to say thank you, to Santa, and all the Santa helpers. They can draw a picture and dictate a little note for someone to write for them. The older children can write their own note, perhaps with a little help.

Kindness Ripples
This is also a good time of year to start a "gratitude journal" in which we write something each day for which we are thankful. I am going to do that this year. I am thinking about adding another facet, calling it my kindness/gratitude journal. I will add kindnesses done to me, observed by me, or reported by someone else. I will look for opportunities to commit a kindness too.

I invite you to join me. I also invite you to send to me any such thoughts so that I can share them with others. If you wish, I will keep them anonymous. Committing a 

   

v h  courtesy and/or a kindness can have some very long range effects, something like throwing a stone into a pond. The ripples may go on and on, perhaps becoming a wave. Up to here (points to neck) with random acts of violence, some are committing intentional acts of kindness. Let’s all pitch in!

Sometimes I might mention the beautiful river I pass by on my way to Better Beginnings, and that I am so glad that the beauty of the ride through East Windsor is being preserved.

A Kind Community Cares for Its Children:
Of course this community provides me with much to be grateful for. Here is an example. Making sure that every child at Better Beginnings got a gift from Santa were Comcast (Donna Lord is our personal Santa helper), Macaroni Grill (Pete Bussone), Seb Roca, NAI (Jane Salmon, Marcia Rickle, Nancy Whitedl), The Brandows, and the East Windsor Senior Center. Providing various arts and crafts     

v h  materials for the children's gifts are the Junior Friday Club, Carole Daily, and Rita Ropars. Adding books for the children is Kayla Jones. Warm hats gloves, mittens and socks for the children are the families of Dutch Neck Coop. Nursery School (Pat Lawler). Everything we wanted for the children, including a community who cares about them, is right there.

Kindness to Staff:
One of the ironies of child care is that these professionals who are providing an excellent program for the working poor, are themselves the working poor. Perhaps someday these gems will be paid equal to their value and worthiness, but that is a long time coming.

In the meantime, there are people like Dennis McClary, and David and Celia Abalos.  They have contributed a generous gift certificate for each staff member. While our staff members love their work, it is a great morale builder to have community members notice and remember them. 

   

v h  Dennis also donated a wooden toy train set which is very popular. It is making its round from classroom to classroom so that everyone can share. (Makes me believe he has been reading Penny Patter.) I hope so. Thank you, Dennis, David, and Celia.  

Pete Bussone is another who recognizes staff members. He hosted our Holiday Party at Macaroni Grill. In addition, he made sure that every staff member who has children received a toy to put under their Christmas tree at home.  This is in addition to the decorated stockings and gift for each child he and Kerrie donated.

Kind Contributors and Donors:
Generous contributions also arrived from Torry and Judith Watkins, from Nancy Goodman (in memory of her Mother, Beverly Goodman), "Mr. Jonathan" Craig, Debbie Meixler, as well as from Talia & Harry Terhune.

Kevin Brink donated an Apple computer with monitor, and Princeton University sent 

   

v h  a dozen complimentary tickets for their basketball games at Jadwin Gym.

Thank you, dear friends; my heart is full of joy and gratitude for your many kindnesses. You are certainly great role models for our children.  May all your days be merry and bright, and full of joy.

December 16, 2003

Holiday Blues:
For some, holidays are not that great. No, I am not the Grinch, and I am not about to steal the holiday. I do acknowledge, however, that not everyone is full of good cheer. The unemployed or underemployed who struggle to provide food and shelter come quickly to mind. For others, there is an overlay of sadness that the    

v h holidays seem to magnify. Perhaps they are separated from loved ones for one reason or another. Perhaps they have lost dear friends or family members. As much as they may wish to manage their outlook, trying to dwell on the positive; the fact is, they still miss them.

Holiday Left-Outs:
Another group, seldom acknowledged, is the custodial or non-custodial parent and grandparent whose turn it is not. Little children lend a bright joyful aspect to any holiday. When one is separated from the little apple of one’s eye, even briefly, for an important holiday, it bites.

Penny Pincher’s twins, Penny Saved

   

v h and Penny Earned, will spend the holidays in Buffalo with their paternal Grandma, Nicole Plated. Having no other family near, Penny will be alone. She resolves that this time she will not cry and mope. She asked for suggestions. Here are a few from several of her alter egos:

Holiday Blues Chasers:
1. Pamper Yourself:    Henny Penny says, "Plan a special treat for yourself. Let it be something you really enjoy doing but seldom find time for. For me, the ultimate luxury is to be able to read a mystery book straight all the way through with only small breaks for necessities like food."

2. Adopt a Pet:   Thoughtful Penny visited a shelter for small homeless animals. She brought an abandoned cat home with her. She finds this friend to be a great offset for sadness and a source of unconditional love. This holiday, she will choose another one so that her dear feline friend will have company while Thoughty is at work.

   

v h  3. Help Others:   Penny R. Cade volunteers regularly. In this way, she makes new friends who share her interests. Around the holidays, she will do even more: she offers to work for others so that they can spend time with their families. She babysits for harried parents so they can shop. She gives an elderly neighbor a ride to the store. This year, she may call a local nursing home and arrange to make a visit, or she may call a hospital and ask to make a visit to the children’s ward. She quotes,

Somehow, not only for Christmas, But all the long year through, The joy that you give to others, Is the joy that comes back to you. And the more you spend in blessing, The poor and lonely and sad, The more of your heart's possessing, Returns to you glad. - --John Greenleaf Whittier
4. Indulge in a Hobby or Craft:  Penny Wise loves to make things. One year, she took an unpainted stool, painted it, then stenciled it with her two-year old daughter’s name and some nursery characters. When darling daughter came home, she had a new place to stand and reach things, and the secure knowledge that while she was away, her Mom was thinking of her. Whatever hobby or craft you enjoy, this is a special time for indulgence, Candy asserts. Sweet.

5. Join In:   Tuppence looks in the "What’s Going On" section for events that she might enjoy. This may be a bus trip, a meeting of a group such as Parents Without Partners, a group with a shared point of view such as a Political or Activist set, a religious service, or a host of others.

   

v h  6. Plan a Virtual Visit:   Magic Penny enjoys the advances of technology. On the Internet, she has found a game room with a chat feature. On the holiday, she will meet a group of cyber friends online, all of whom would have been "alone". One is in England, two are in Canada, another is in Australia, and the rest are from around the US. She will also make some telephone calls to loved ones, and enjoy photographs that have been scanned and e-mailed to her.

7. Holiday Another Day:  Penny Loafer has always been a free spirit. She has a designated holiday other than the traditional one. She calls it whatever she chooses. It just happens to fall on the day her grandchild will be with her. For that day, she is free to depart from all traditions and create a joyful atmosphere that pleases her and her grandbaby.

8. Smile the Blues Away:  If none of this works for our Penny, she might remember what the great psychologist William James wrote, "We do not smile because we are happy, but rather we are happy because we smile."    

v h  9. Call a Helpline:  If Penny still feels depressed, she can call Contact of Mercer County which is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The helpline numbers are (609) 896-2120 Teenline (609) 896-4434.

Holiday Party:
A meaningful part of Christmas for me for the past thirty-lotta years is the annual appearance of Santa bringing gifts for all our children at Better Beginnings. What a joyful time that is. It would be hard to stay downhearted in a community that cares for its     

v h  children, all of its children, so much. Once again, the Hightstown Police will be escorting the dear old man. Comcast has again packed Santa's bag, assuring that every child gets a gift.

Making Holidays and Every Day Bright: Our friends:
Linda LaValley has been a loyal friend. Upon hearing that Minute Maid's plant would be closed, she went to extra effort to assure that Better Beginnings got one more annual contribution. She was successful and it has arrived. We will miss our good friend.

Anonymous has been exceptionally generous with a nice contribution, too. Minnie Bell and Frances Rios again remember Jimmy Jackson with their devoted monthly contribution. A new contributor, MDL Consulting Group has made a very nice contribution. John Fiore has donated candy, food, hams, turkey and more.

Clara Martino has donated another ten hand crocheted blankets. Many other donations from Legoblocks, Cheerios, to parenting books, toys and warm blankets and more have come from  Mr. Jonathan  Craig, Shelly Pomonis, The Gatsmans, Natasha Singh, Anita O'Meara, Donna Lord, and Dr. David Goldstein. Helping Hands and Ken Hitchner continue to collect pennies for 

   

v h  us, and Dr. Andy Chung made presentations about caring for teeth for our children.

We thank you all. This rhyme is for you:

Santa is real: I see him every day.

He doesn’t require reindeer and sleigh.

It does not have to be winter and cold

It need not be bright and bold

He can appear in a gift of caring

He often appears when others are sharing

Yes, I am fortunate, for I see him appear

In many gifts of kindness throughout the year.

Better Beginnings provides affordable child care and other child and family centered programs. To volunteer, make a contribution or donation, call 609-448-6226. If you would like to comment or offer suggestions, write to me at bewith@mail2peace.com     

v h  or PO Box 187, Hightstown, NJ. To find out more about Better Beginnings, you may make a virtual visit to www.princetonol.com/groups/bbcdc or to the center located in The First Presbyterian Church School Rooms at 318 North Main St., Hightstown NJ. Share the Joy!

December 2, 2003

Worth Waiting For

Waiting Game:
There was nothing I could do about it. I was stuck. Ahead, on the other side of the road stood a school bus, red lights flashing and stop sign out. Other cars waited on both sides of the street. We waited. And waited. Soon some ten cars were lined up in back of me, and as many in back of the bus. Beside me on the car seat was the morning daily, folded. I did not open it, preferring to use the time for musing.

I mused that we were waiting very near a spot where, several months ago, we had lined up on both sides of the road while a turtle made its way across the road. Then, as now, we waited silently, no horns blowing, no 

   

v h  obscene gestures. Apparently, there is a human strain that waits politely and calmly for late children and small living creatures.

After about five minutes or half an hour, I wasn’t sure which, a girl child ran out and waved her hand, then dashed back in the house. Aha, I could hear us thinking in unison, "There is life here." In about another five or thirty minutes, she and a boy child dashed out, followed by a dashing adult who thrust some forgotten item into the boy’s hand. Then the young students mounted the bus steps, and we were all off.

 
Waiting Room:
Fortunately for me, I had given myself a half hour extra time in order to arrive at my destination, the doctor’s office. I was now still twenty minutes ahead. No sweat for me. As for those who were headed for work somewhere, I am not sure whether anyone would believe their story. Or maybe all of us had given ourselves an extra half hour or so, knowing as we do that particular road and its proclivities.

You know what comes next? I signed in and took a chair in the aptly named waiting room. I opened my paper. See what I was saving it for? I read all the front section including the columns I 

   

usually set aside to read later and usually don’t get to. I read the next section and the comics and completed all the word games, including the crossword puzzle. At this point, I made a comment about how long I had been waiting, and its effects on my well-being and mood. I had been fasting in preparation for this appointment. While I wanted my morning coffee badly, I wanted my morning pain pill even more. Within a few minutes, I was in and then out, only to discover that I had not, as planned, brought my pain pill with me. Oh well, it would have to wait.

Other Patients Waiting:
When I got home, my daughter regaled me with her story of how long she had had to wait at the Vet to pick up one of her rescued cats.    

I a  It was that kind of day. Sometimes I think we define ourselves by what we are willing to wait for. I am totally unwilling to wait in line for a store to open on "Black Friday", for example.

Waiting can be Agonizing:
Children have trouble waiting for almost anything. They want what they want when they want it and will pester you if it doesn’t arrive promptly. "Is it time yet?" "Are we there yet?" "Is today Christmas?" For young children, tomorrow is any time after now. The big pre-Christmas surge often is devoid of the "real meaning" of Christmas. Moreover, it is unreasonable to expect children to "be good" and "watch out" for a month or the guy in the red suit will bring you coal, not toys. By the time the big day arrives they are so wired they almost create sparks. Not to mention the      effect on young students of other faiths.  We like, instead, to use this time to transmit the idea of loving and giving by involving the children in the joy of making and doing things for others. I dislike the idea of making long lists of what "I want". For the working poor parents, as much as the community wants to help, such lists can be a painful reminder of how much they want to do, but lack the resources, for their families. For any child, there is often tremendous let-down, disappointment even when the big day, after the long build-up and anticipation finally arrives.
But Wait a Minute:
Penny Pincher strongly recommends that every child receive creative materials. When all is said and done, these are what the child will settle down with when all else has been     

hav opened. For starters, they can make a memory collage, using some of the gift wrap and other items. Then they can start in making thank you cards and little gifts for others.

Waiting for the Other Shoe:
This has been a bad year for charities. No less so for Better Beginnings. Every day we seem to get another blow. Thank goodness for our supporters. Some have chosen to make a monetary gift to others in the name of the recipient. Others like to make outright contributions. One thing is for sure, we are right in the community. You are considered a part of our family and are welcome to visit at any time to share the joy and love.

Thank you Ellen Ruth Mann, for the beautiful basket of toys and videos. Ellen Ruth really is family. She is the sister of Ondina and Wilfred Jeffries who make a regular monthly contribution to the center ("our kids") and have just increased the monthly pledge. May all your days be merry and bright.

United Marine Corps Reserve Toys for Tots, bless them, have donated many toys to brighten our children's 

   

hav holidays. Thanksgiving was a giving time, making several working poor familiesfeel blessed, due to friends like these: Battleground Centennial, via Levy Ben-Ezra, donated turkeys, juice and other assorted foods, Hightstown Elks donated two generous gift certificates from ShopRite, and Liston's and Better Beginnings' good friend, Dennis McClary donated five Thanksgiving Dinners from Shoprite.

Sunny Young Deli continues to collect pennies for us, Our total, after their last donation, is now 1,516,324. Dr. David Goldstein continues to donate many items, as does Becky Petrenka and our friend, "Mr. Jonathan" Craig. In addition to a bag of toys, Mr. Jonathan remembered that Tuesday is Paper Day at Better Beginnings. We welcome all kinds of paper: tissues, toilet paper, paper towels, copy paper, construction paper, even paper money.

Thank you, dear friends, and may your days be Merry and Bright, And your waiting lines short.
For more information:
Better Beginnings provides affordable child care and other services for families and children, encouraging them to reach their full potential.  Funding cuts have adversely affected the center.  For more information about Better Beginnings: visit www.princetonol.com/groups/bbcdc     

hav If you have suggestions for me or for Penny Pincher, please email me at  bewith@mail2peace.com, or snail mail me at PO Box 187, Hightstown NJ 08520. For information about volunteering, making donations and contributions, please call Luz Nereida Horta at 609-448-6226.