December 18, 2001

Sleigh bells are not exactly ringing, but the children are sure singing, and they could certainly use some help!   Is there a music maker out there who would enjoy making some music with the children?? If you play an instrument, fine.  Even if you don't, and wouldn't mind leading a few rounds of “Jingle Bells” and “A B C D”, or “Eeensy Weensy Spider”, Better Beginnings has some joy to share with you.  Children learn readily through music and rhythm, and would love to have you spend a little time with them.   And while helping others, you may find that your own problems diminish.  You will be making a difference now and in the future for the children, you will be helping Better Beginnings accomplish its mission, and you just might live a longer and healthier life!  Postgraduate Healthcare studies have shown that people who volunteer and participate in community activities live longer and healthier lives than those who isolate themselves and their problems.   Are you listening?

Ask volunteers Minnie Bell, Lillian Freeman, Jerry Turkel, and Sandy Soule who have volunteered faithfully every week, in the preschool classrooms, during the past year.   Ask Ali Ryan and Cindy Shaw who volunteered faithfully in the emergent literacy program for kindergarteners.  Ask Jack Conklin, Sgt. Ethelwoldo Gonzalez, Liston Abbott and Miguel Souverbielle who have done so much to bridge the digital divide for the “have-nots”.  I have asked. I hear, “It makes me feel good to know I am helping others.”   And well it should.  Without these selfless individuals, the quality of the child care program would be diminished and, in some cases, such as the literacy and digital inclusion programs, there would be no program. They can be very happy knowing that their efforts have made a huge difference in the lives of others; and now, that the quality of their own lives is enhanced.  Talk about win-win!!

And yes, Better Beginnings’ children could sure use some more volunteers in the classrooms and with its digital inclusion efforts.   Come on along!

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Good friends Rick Pratt and Amanda Porter have donated a printer.  Used but usable computers and components are refurbished by our computer mentors (see above) and then passed along to children and families who would otherwise be on the other side of the digital divide.    Amanda brought her beautiful baby with her when she delivered the printer.  I happened to stop by to drop off the tangerines for the toes of the children’s stockings at that very moment.  She told me that she had read about that tradition in my column last week, and it is one passed down in her family by her mother-in-law.  Until then, neither of us had realized that it was a wider practice than our own families.  She brought along her beautiful baby.  I got to play peek-a-boo with him.   Rock-a-bye, sweet baby.

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“Peace and contentment”, I am reminded, are often linked.  An anonymous quotation states, “Contentment is not the accumulation of wealth, but the decreasing of wants!”   (Source:  Non-Profit Nuts & Bolts, www.nutsbolts.com)

Encouraging children to think that they must have every toy they see being promoted on children’s TV and everything they “want” can be a great disservice to that child’s development of character and to their future contentment.  The difference between “I want” and “I need” is often blurred in this country.  At sometime, each of us must face the fact that we cannot have everything we want.  Struggling to adulthood, believing that we can, often leads to uncomprehending frustration and distress, and sometimes even leads to unlawful acts.

“Why did your brother, a grown man, steal that from the store?,”  I once asked a worried friend.    Her answer is ingrained in my memory.  “Because he wanted it.”

Teaching children to handle disappointment and postpone gratification is a major and important task for us adults.    Often, we want to soften it, perhaps in response to our own inner child.  But, if we really want to build strong, resilient character, able to resist destructive behaviors, we must dig into reality’s knapsack.   And, just maybe, that is a much greater gift than trying
to buy everything on the little guy’s list.

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I have some reprints that may be of interest.  One, published by the National PTA, is entitled, “Choose the Best Toys for Your Child.”  Another from IntelliHealth News Services, is concerned with the violence in video games and the inadequacy of the current rating system.  Both emphasize the negative aspects of violent games and toys and their effect on aggressive behavior,
violence and desensitization to violence.  Call or write and a copy is yours.

Thoughtful Penny from experience knows that constructive toys or materials that promote creativity and problem solving are used much more than toys that are expensive but ultimately boring.  It is an old joke that a child plays more with the box than with the toy that came in it.  Why?   The box lends itself to endless creative play.  It can be anything the child wants it to be.  When that plays out, it can become a canvas for painting, drawing, stacking, and more.

Odd Penny who spends her time thinking about peculiarities, finds it ironic that for a holiday that is all about “Peace on Earth”, that anyone would even consider giving a child a toy that is violent or promotes violence.  Too many toys, videos and TV shows, she thinks, show violence as a solution, rather than using negotiation and seeking win-win answers.

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Staff members at Better Beginnings enjoyed a wonderful meal and time together, thanks to the generosity of Board Member, Pete Bussone, who is also Regional Manager of Macaroni Grills.   Such recognition for those who give so much of themselves to deliver an excellent service to families and children is heartening.

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The next tip in promoting peaceful problem-solving, as role models for children, is to recognize anger for what it is.  Usually anger arises because of a hurt.  After taking the prescribed ten deep breaths, pause and ask, “What hurts me so much that it makes me angry,”  as well as “What is it that hurts (other person) so much that they are angry with me?”   It is instructive for the child if you put this into words as you puzzle it out.   We are, after all, trying to get them to “use words” instead of striking out, biting, kicking, hitting, grabbing” or other hurtful physical acts.

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Thanks to the generosity of friends at NAI, NEC Research Institute, Dutch Neck Co-op Nursery School, Cranbury Lions Club, the U. S. Marines, and the Hightstown Police Department, every child at Better Beginnings will receive a gift from Santa.  In most cases, there is also a gift for siblings, and even some warm gloves, mittens and hats.  Joy, Joy, Joy!

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To all our friends, happy holidays, inner peace, a safe passage, and a measure of contentment!

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Like other charities, Better Beginnings is experiencing a decrease in the contributions it usually receives at this time of year.   The center depends on the benevolence of others in order to keep its doors open and to maintain the quality of its programs.  Contributions to Better Beginnings are used to provide direct service to children and assist families right in this community.  You can visit and observe that your contribution is making a big difference in the lives of those it serves, and strengthens the community as well.

Better Beginnings’ doors are always open for community members to visit.  I think you will be impressed with the joy and activities you witness.   The multicultural, bilingual curriculum is thematic, addresses the various learning styles and intelligences, and is consistently evaluated as an “excellent and innovative” program.     Families qualify for a partial subsidy according to
family size and income.

All of Better Beginnings’ staff have background checks through the State of New Jersey.      Financial records are audited annually, in accordance with United States government and New Jersey government requirements;  they are described consistently by the auditor as “perfect”.  Contributors’ money does what they hope it will:  it benefits children and families by meeting current expenses of the center.   Pennies are collected to supplement inadequate funding.  Dollars are stretched to do the most.   An atmosphere of caring and peacefulness prevails.    Come and behold it!

For further information or to request offered reprints, call 609-448-6226, or email me at bbpeace@altavista.com.  Visit Better Beginnings’ website at www.princetonol.com/groups/bbcdc, maintained by volunteer webmeister Liston Abbott.  If the check is in the mail, thank you so much, and please address it to PO Box 187, Hightstown, NJ 08520.  If you would like to visit, drop by at 318 North Main St. in Hightstown.   If you would like a tour, call Executive Director Luz Nereida Horta.

December 11, 2001

My father died on December 23.  We buried him on December 24.  That night we three sisters played Santa for my niece and nephews who still believed in the “Jolly Old Elf.”   We did not feel so jolly after having watched the painful death of a dear, kind man who had suffered first degree burns on 90% of his body, but we stuck to tradition for the sake of the children.  Routine helped us get through.

I was 21 and that was my coming of age.  Of course, I thought I was an adult five years earlier, like many sixteen-year-olds.  I had voted for the first time that year.  Ultimately I learned that providing stability for the children gave us strength as well.

My mother died on December 12 when I was just four.  My fourteen-year-old sister and I were placed on a train and sent to Virginia to my grandparents who owned a dairy farm.  My father joined us some weeks later.  Many years later I realized that he was a single parent, doing what one did in those days.

For Christmas, I got a stocking.   There were other goodies in the stocking, but nestled in the toe was an orange, a rare treat in those days.  To this day, I think an orange or a tangerine should fill out the toe of a Christmas stocking.  Of such are traditions made.

For years after my father’s death, I would buy myself some special treat, such as a beautiful sweater, and pretend that it was from my Daddy.   It was always something I could wrap around myself.  That was before I read that we all have a parent, a child and an adult living inside our psyche.  I suppose my parent was rewarding my child.  After that, I tried to be more grown up about it.

When I started working with children, however, I let my inner child out to play, and it has been romping around ever since.   Finding and encouraging my inner resources, finding joy in every day wonders, returning to spirituality after kicking it aside in anger at my father’s death, finding and being allowed to use my talents– from these I have derived a sense of inner peace.

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Peace of mind, inner peace, peaceful children, Prince of Peace:  what does the word peace connote for you?   “Absence of war?”  “Social Justice?”  “Peace and quiet?”  “World Peace?”  “Peacemaker?” Perhaps, “Peace on Earth?”  What about “Good Will Towards Men”?

In our quest to encourage our children to be kind to each other and to solve problems peacefully, here is another, promised, hint.  Children take their cue from us.   If we become angry, do we ourselves take ten breaths  while we look inside for our calmer self?  Do we look for an acceptable, non-destructive, way to vent our feelings?  Do we refrain from calling names and striking out unfairly?   Here are a couple of ideas that are pretty universal, which means, to me, they work.

1.  Express anger in an acceptable way:  Spectator sports are great:  they give us a venue in which shouting is acceptable.  Sometimes we need to shout, I truly believe.  But yelling at kids or at others scares them.  It scares me.  We look for another method.   Sometimes, we have songs and games that let the yelling out.  I think I know now why my grandmother sang so much around the house.  She was always calm, but she sure sang a lot, mostly hymns.

We give children clay to pound.    Some adult persons like to pound bread dough or maybe hammer nails.  Others kick balls, or run, or scrub the dickens out of floors.  Sometimes, in great stress, an entire house can be cleaned lickety-split.

2.  Find special moments for yourself.  Once in the morning and again in the evening is the minimum.  I particularly liked, when I went to work every day, to stop by the lake for my quiet (peaceful) time.   I prayed.  Others meditate.  Some confer with their inner thoughts.  Some read or do a crossword puzzle.    Do not count on using the bathroom for this purpose.   Some walk, or find a park bench.

When I stopped working every day, I was really concerned that I would not be stopping at my quiet spot each day.   It was important that I establish my time and place at home.

Sometimes you may need to find a way to have a whole day just for yourself.  This could entail trading babysitting with a friend, or calling on a family member.  But that one day, if only once a month, can be very renewing.   If you have to help Santa buy gifts for the little ones, you REALLY need some shopping time alone.

3.    Find some time for fun.  Laugh a lot.  Enjoy moments as they occur.  I have made a rule for myself that a period of work is promptly rewarded with something that is fun.   There has been an overlap in my life because I have, and still do, enjoy my work so much.   I am blessed.  Still, there are also some aspects of my work, including housework, which I do not like.   I reward myself regularly when one of those onerous chores is completed.   I also keep a list so that I can have a feeling of achievement when I mark one off.  That is because some days I don’t feel I have accomplished much … ye old work ethic still crops up … and referring to my list of crossed off items cheers me up.  I sometimes add something, perhaps an unexpected work job, to the list just to be able to mark through it.  I also wear red hats when I feel like it.

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Penny Pincher has found a use for the avalanche of catalogs she receives.   As you might guess, she is distraught about the trees that were used to cause this overload.  Most of them are not even suitable for the children to cut or tear and paste.  However, at home, while working on a craft project, she discovered that using a catalog was perfect for working on a job that required a clean spot for gluing.  She would glue one object, tear off that page of the catalog, and instantly have a clean page for the next object.  You would have thought she had been given a ton of pretty paper, the way she danced and sang about that.

Now she is looking for ideas for use of used greeting cards.   Please provide ideas.

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“Nobody can do everything, but everybody can do something.”  Who said that??  I wish I had.  It is certainly true that we can accomplish much more together than we can alone; and that some things can only happen when we tackle it together.

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Which brings me to a great source of joy:  the Holiday party for the children.  The Hightstown Police Officers are again gathering toys for the children and will escort Santa.   The Cranbury Lions Club has “adopted” us this year.   Pete Bussone has again provided a stocking and a stuffed animal for each child; Dee Murphy and Rosa Tenan are supplying the candy canes.  I guess I will kick in the oranges or tangerines.

Ninety-nine kids, from ages 2-1/2 to 11, will have a wonderful time.  In some cases, working poor parents who have little enough for necessities will not have to worry that their child will be forgotten by “Santa”.  In past years, enough gifts have come to the center to fill a plain brown bag of gifts for the parent to take home and put under the tree for the child and siblings.  We like this because it helps to preserve the parents’ dignity.  In addition, others provide food and food store certificates to assure that there is a bountiful holiday meal.

In past years, also, many caring friends have made contributions to the center itself to help assure that its doors stay open for those who need it.

We trust they will again.

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You can make a real difference in the life of children and families right in your community.  At the same time, you can honor the recipient of your choice.  In return for your contribution, the recipient’s name will be entered in our Book of Honors, and you will each receive a Certificate of Honor.  We will mail the Certificate to you or to the recipient; your choice.

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Helping Hands and Sunny Young Deli continue to faithfully collect copper coins for us.  The total now is 1,394,755.   Wouldn't It wonderful if it reached 1,500,000 by December 31.

Linda Trost and Robin Brown brought $400 worth of books for the children, and shared their love of reading with them.   Every time someone reads to them, the children gain.  They see that those words are important and mean something, and
they see yet another person enjoys the “deciphering””.

A friend from the start, Carol VA Sprout remembers us with a contribution; Lisa Murphy, Marie Thayer, and Cynthia Gerrits remembered us with donations of needed items.

A kindness.  Anyone who writes knows how much I enjoy hearing from readers.  One told me that she used to turn to the obituaries first; and now she turns first to my column.  (Smile)

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We are still collecting Random Acts of Kindness.  Have you made someone smile?  Has someone made you smile?  Please let us know.

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Oh, yes, writing this column is a pleasure.  I get to do it after I have done something considerably less enjoyable, like filing.  I like that it has a deadline so that I can say, “I HAVE to write my column,” sometimes in that way being able to skip the filing.  The only thing I like about filing is when it is done.

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Call Better Beginnings at 609-448-6226.  E-mail bbcdc@altavista.com.  E-mail Bettie Witherspoon at  bbpeace@altavista.com   Visit website at  www.princetonol.com/groups/bbcdc.  Visit at 318 North Main St., Hightstown, NJ.  Snail mail to PO Box 187, Hightstown NJ 08520

December 4, 2001

"And let it begin with me."

So goes a favorite song, entitled "Let there be peace on earth."  I ruminate about what a task families and teachers have, encouraging our youth to resolve their problems peacefully, while all around us rages war and talk of war; violence is displayed in movies, on TV and video games;  sports figures in favorite pastimes regularly exchange blows;  adults shout in anger, call names, sometimes assault.

Like Longfellow, in despair, I bow my head.

We are alarmed about violence in our schools.  We worry about youth who are isolated and resentful.  We are concerned about children who are encouraged to let their anger ignite and rage.

Is there any hope?

We have already established that I am a Pollyanna, always looking for the positive, hoping for the best.  So, my answer is, of course, "Of course, there's hope."  But boys and girls, ladies and gents, our road is rocky.  Prepare to climb, and grab your chisels.  With luck and enough of us, we can break through these rocks and turn them into pebbles as smooth as those in a gentle brook.

So, let it begin with me; and let it begin with our children.

For starters, try repeating this, over and over again, in counterpoint to all the violent talk around them, "I care about you.  I don't want anyone or anything to hurt you.  Fighting hurts.  If you hit your friend, it hurts your friend.  I care about her (or him) too.  Your friend may hit back.  And then you may hit again. Now you are both hurt.  That doesn't make sense!

Suggest taking ten deep breaths (an oldie but very effective - my Gramma knew her stuff).

Suggest that it takes real courage to walk away from an explosive situation.

Suggest that the real super hero is the one who is brave enough to say, "No, it makes no sense.  I won't fight."

Suggest that anger is like a bomb.  When it explodes hurts everyone in the vicinity.

Okay, those are some start-up tips.  More will follow.   With any luck, those of us who are hoping for peaceful classrooms and peaceful homes may make some inroads.

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For those who are choosing toys, let us first do no harm.  By that, I mean, first of all, be sure they are safe.  It goes without saying that Peaceful Penny dislikes violent toys of all kinds.  She cannot understand why anyone celebrating a holiday of peace, love and joy would give a toy of violence as a "gift", but that's our Penny - she's just as pensive as I am.

"Prevent Blindness America" makes some very good suggestions.  We will gladly email (if our system is up), snail mail, or fax you a copy; Or you can find it at the Prevent Blindness website.   One quick tip we'll pass on is, "Look for the letters "ASTM". This indicates the product meets the national safety standards set by the American Society for Testing and Materials (ASTM)."

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Celia Abalos, Esq., and Dr. David Abalos, are so generous and find so many ways to encourage the staff at Better Beginnings.   Most recently, they contributed a gift certificate in a meaningful amount, which was tucked into the pre-Thanksgiving pay envelopes of every staff member at Better Beginnings.  The Abaloses recognize that these devoted early childhood educators generate the joy and excellent learning atmosphere at Better Beginnings.   For all these years, affordable childcare has existed because of the willingness of professionals to accept low pay.

With preschool teachers in high demand, largely because of the establishment of pre-K classes in the Abbott districts, attracting and retaining qualified staff has now become a challenge.  Thank you for helping Better Beginnings staff to feel appreciated by their community.    It really makes a big difference.

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If you are looking for a meaningful gift for someone who "has everything", if you would like to give a gift that keeps on giving long after, please consider a gift to Better Beginnings' Endowment fund.     Certificates will be issued in your name and in the recipient's name, and entered in our Book of Honors.   You will receive a one of a kind acknowledgement gift.
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Community support and encouragement came in a variety of ways.  Celia Abalos and her Mom, Celia Dorante, paid a visit to Better Beginnings, volunteering their time, being wonderful role models, and sharing their love of reading with the children.  Thanksgiving was made bountiful for several families, with the help of the Knights of Pythias with Lenny Weinstein delivering turkeys, bags of food and more.  Similarly good friend Joe Sokol delivered two very generous gift certificates on behalf of Elks BPOE #1955.  Dawn Sittinger also donated a turkey.

Judy & Joel Larsen helped us meet expenses with their regular monthly contribution; Minnie Bell and Frances Rios, faithful to Jimmy Jackson's memory, also made their regular monthly memorial contribution.

We got a surprise contribution through Working Assets.   It seems that they have a program for long distance users through which a portion can be contributed to a "favorite cause".   Steven Lloyd, thank you, we love it when someone chooses Better Beginnings.  Roger Mauro is helping Better Beginnings bridge the digital divide, offering computers, office supplies and more.   Sherry Whitman also donated a multitude of office supplies, folders, copy paper and more.   Penny Pincher loves it.

Nancy and John Laudenberger again remembered the center's needs with a very generous contribution.   Vaughn Urstadt delivered 16 cases of Minute Maid juice on behalf of Hightstown Engine Co. #1, Ladies Auxiliary.  There are our heroes in more ways than one.
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I understand that contributions to the local United Way are somewhat less than needed to maintain programs.  That worries me.  Please remember that all day-to-day, year-to-year, programs need contributions in order to continue their good work.

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Random Acts of Kindness.    Better Beginnings' Executive Director, Luz Nereida Horta, has suggested that we practice RAK to counteract all the dreadful effects of war, terrorism, violence and other destructive acts.   Since I agree, I will list one that happened to me this week.   I hope that readers will provide me with others.

After enjoying a short pause for lunch during a shopping trip, I executed my version of jumping up in order to proceed to the next shopping site.  In the process, I spilled my coin collection all over the floor.  (Yes, I was saving it for Better Beginnings). I gazed down with dismay.  Since the cartilage in my thumbs has been placed on the discontinued list, I find picking up ANYthing difficult.   Before I could say, "Clanking Clatter of Copper Coins", a young man ran around the counter and a young lady sprang up from her seat. Within seconds, they had scooped up and returned to me over one hundred coins.   It made me smile for the rest of the day, the rest of the week, and I am still smiling.

Have you made someone smile today?   Did someone make you smile?  Please let me know. I'm making a list and checking it twice.

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Call Better Beginnings at 609-448-6226.  Write to Post Office Box 187, Hightstown, NJ 08520.  Visit at 318 North Main St.   Email bbcdc@altavista.com; email Bettie Witherspoon at bbpeace@altavista.com.  Fax 609-448-6573.    Visit website at www.princetonol.com/groups/bbcdc.
 
 

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