April 2002 Penny Patter

April 30, 2002
I would rather be called an elder than a senior. When I was in high school, seniors were treated with respect, and considered knowledgeable by their younger friends. As "senior citizens", one might surmise, we would be treated with even greater respect for the considerable knowledge and experience we have gained over the years. Instead, some younger people metaphorically pat us on our heads, admonish us about driving so slow, and make jokes. Ah Ha!, young friends, if you live long enough, you, too, will be a "Senior". But if you keep speeding, driving recklessly, and generally disrespecting yourselves and others, you tend to reduce your chances of reaching this vaunted state.

I'll admit I don't remember everything immediately, but after all I have a memory bank of nearly 70 years to search through. If you want to be really kind to me -and others of my ilk-, do not walk up to me and say, "Remember me?" Of course I remember you, it is just your name that I will not recall until tomorrow. Instead say, "Hi, I'm Happy Asa Larke, remember me?"

Cherokees' elders are revered for having wisdom. As one who has passed the supreme age of 60 and is about to become 70 in a few months, I know that my mind, if not my body, is in great shape. I know I have learned some things in my years of living that I am willing to share. My compassion has not decreased. I have much to give. I am an elder.

I am one of many. I am not ready for a shelf. Elders are a wonderful resource. RSVP (Retired Senior Volunteers) is one agency that recognizes this.

This particular subject arose in my mind this week for two reasons.

One was a remark made by a person probably in his thirties. When asked what would make him happy, he replied, getting old those old geezers off the road. Admittedly, some of us are less able to drive but so are some of the young. I wonder if the young whippersnapper will still have that opinion thirty years from now. I plan to be around to ask (if I remember who he is).

The other was a gathering of volunteers who help Better Beginnings. In fact, without these people, Better Beginnings would not be able to offer much that adds quality to its program and to the community. I noticed that a good many of us were near or past the magic number that carries "senior" status.

What a warm feeling we all had. Some met for the first time. All of us share a common interest, the welfare of vulnerable little children. The children, the Heart Friends, proud and assured, performed a little play for us. The preschoolers marched around our table chanting their rain song, and brandishing their handmade rain sticks. It was pure joy shared.

We sat there, at that table, having enjoyed the pizza provided by Harry and Gert Horowitz, surrounded by those beautiful children, and sharing stories. As certificates of appreciation were handed out, the children happily applauded, jumped up and down, and chanted as each name was called.

Someone commented on how happy, how well behaved, how well they got along with each other, and did you notice, how diverse, and how they are learning to love each other. How appropriate that their little play was about planting seeds and nurturing them and providing them with sunshine and rain. "As the twig is bent, so grows the tree."
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Better Beginnings salutes its volunteers. While not everyone could make it to our gathering, all are cherished.

Among those who share their time, love, expertise and devotion with us as Nurturing Assistants are Mildred Bell, Natalie Bodin, Cedia Boxhill, Lillian Freeman, Lawanda Phoenix, Petra Rivera, Jerry Turkel, and Kenneth Schachter.

Literacy Mentors last summer included Ali Rayan and Cindy Shaw. Sandra Soule was a Music Maker for many months. Celia Abalos and Celia Dorante were special story readers.

Jack Conklin and Liston Abbott are "resident computer gurus" along with our McGuire AFB friends: Enrique Oliveras II, Roger Valdez, Jerry McPherson and Ethelwoldo Gonzales.

Jonathan Craig, Gert & Harry Horowitz, Clara Martino, George Medary, Delores Murphy, Ellen Schneider and son David, Albert Werner and Loida Wilson are what I call our good will ambassadors. They find many ways throughout the year to lend support, provide for needs, encourage others to help, provide food, contribute, crochet, participate, fundraise, and anything else that occurs to their fertile minds. By the way, Clara has made it a round 200 hand crocheted blankets.

Very important, too, are our youth counselors who volunteer to assist with the children, usually for a brief but important period of time. They are great role models. They include Erin Shylit, Rachel Lazarus, Rachel Goldman, Bryan Jones, Jill Mansfield, Jennifer Rosada, P. J. Berman, Kevin Choice, Madhavi Karra, Phillip Roger, Marc Navarro and, of course, our dear Amy Pennega.

Volunteer Board members include Liston Abbott, Ralph Bradley, Pete Bussone, Rosalind Davies, Hillary Edwards, Marsha Fais, Barbara Garcia, Sparky James, Carol Jones, Rosalyn Lige, Susan Lloyd, Mark Magee, Glenn Martindell, Patricia McNeil, Lawrence Schneider, Gus Siggelakis, Binnie Thom, Angela Watkins and Sherry Watkins.

More volunteers are needed: Plan now to help kinderage children learn to read in their second language, during the summer. Always needed are nurturing assistants for the preschool classrooms, computer mentors to help teach computing, computer gurus to help repair donated computers, office assistants, fund raisers, music makers. Come ... share the joy! Special appeal to elders: come.... You are needed. Very needed. Oh, and by the way, the children of Better Beginnings love their "elders" and make every one of us feel needed, useful and wanted.
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"Live your life so that your children can tell their children that you not only stood for something wonderful-you acted on it." - Dan Zadra, CEO Compendium, Inc.
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Better Beginnings is seeking nominations for Shining Star awards in the category of Individual, Organization and Business/Industry. Nominations need to arrive at PO Box 187, Hightstown, N. J. 08520 by May 15.
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Penny Pincher's tip for the day is to check out your local library. In addition to wonderful lending libraries of books, there are special children's activities and story times, and many more specialities. For instance, the Mercer County Library, Hightstown Memorial Branch, has several PC's available for word processing and Internet searching. In addition to books, magazines, newspapers and local newspapers on microfilm, there is a large collection of videocassettes, is with a special emphasis on quality children's videos. They also have music CD's, CD-Roms, audiocassettes, an extensive selection of books on tape as well as a collection of books in Spanish and in Chinese. The setting itself is a treat, right next to Peddie Lake.
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If you have a tip for Penny Pincher, a comment for Pretty Penny, Odd Penny, or for me, please e-mail BeWith@Mail2Peace.com or snail mail me as above.

April 23, 2002
Someone is trying to tantalize me into a pointless argument. I sense a need on my tormentor's part to vent their inner rage, with me as the target. I love a discussion when logic and reason are the tools. This was clearly not intended to be such a debate; rather it is an excuse to attempt intimidation, to yell invectives, to call names, to senselessly rant.

She is pushing my buttons. I register my opinion, but I refuse to be drawn in, to be manipulated into responding. I shrug it off, indicating with my body language that I will not participate. Even then I am subject to, "What's the matter? I thought you were so smart. Don't you have any better answers? You scared?" Again, I shrug, smile, and walk away, unscathed by the nonsensical tearing at my self-esteem. I am sad that an adult that I like a lot has resorted to bullying tactics. I am concerned about what is making her so angry that she needs to lash out. Bullying is, I reflect, a form of terrorism.

I am fortunate. I recognize a bully when I hear one. I have been bullied before, in the playground, at the bus stop, in the hallways. I learned how to withstand these attacks, eventually using them as a tool to grow stronger. But it took years. I know, no one believes that I was once shy and introverted, but I was. I had good teachers, especially one, determined to "bring me out". Programs to offset bullying, deal with hostile aggression, and instill assertiveness had not yet come in vogue. My teacher just knew that I was painfully shy and being "picked on" and made it her job to help me grow stronger.

Even as a child, although it, too, had not yet been labeled, peaceful problem solving was my preference. I chose to overcome my insecurities not by flexing my strong muscles in the schoolyard, but rather by investing my strong intellect in the schoolroom. If this made me a target, then I had to learn, also, how to surmount that. Everyone, of course has both muscles and intelligences in multiples; our task is to facilitate our children's choice making, offering constructive options that make our schoolyards, our schoolrooms, our homes, our communities a happier, safer place to be.

Nobody likes a bully. A bully does not even like herself. Why then does anyone want to be a bully? What are the signs that a child, (your child, your neighbor's child, a child in your classroom) is a bully or is being bullied? How young does bullying start? How can we counteract bullying by others, or incipient bullying in one of our children?

These are a few of the tough questions that we as parents, educators, and community members have to ponder. And ponder them we must. No, pondering is not enough. We must act.

Considerable information is available on steps to take to prevent and to counteract bullying. I have some of it and am always glad to share. It will be a subject for our PACT (Peacemakers and Counselors in Training) program for school-age children this summer. We will seek answers to these questions, "What is a bully?" "What can I do if someone bullies me?" "What can I do instead of bullying others?" These young leaders will be trained to help peers and younger children find answers to these questions as well. Our objective, of course, is to motivate our young friends to choose kindness as the preferred option.

For you, as a parent, educator, or concerned community member, for starters, there is an interesting quiz on www.onlinepsych.com/parentsoup/tests/bully.htm, contributed by Dr. Larry Craft, which asks the question, "Is Your Child a "Bully"?" In actuality, this catchy title does not give full credit. The quiz also reveals if your child is a potential target, a compassionate leader, and more. It also gives some canned but good advice in all categories. If you don't have a home computer, run, okay, walk, to the nearest library or computer resource center. It is well worth it, and a place to start.

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Acclamations for Al and Brenda Werner abounded on Sunday, April 21, when the Central Jersey Network of Black Women honored them. I enjoyed the attention given to these two for their great devotion and energetic attention to the needs of our children. Among those issuing proclamations and acclamations were Rev. Ronald Green, Regina Quince for State Senator Shirley Turner, Mayor Janice Mironov, Mayor Amy Aughenbaugh, East Windsor Police Chief William Spain and Det. Sgt. William Froehlich, Better Beginnings Executive Director Luz Nereida Horta, Kreps Principal Virginia Kearns, Child Study Team Member Kathleen Yurwit, and Elaine Martin for the HEROS and LADIES. A donation to the Mentoring Program was made by the Mercer County Chapter of Jack and Jill of America. A donation to CJNBW's scholarship fund was made by Walt Daniels, in honor of his late wife, Gloria Daniels.

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First Washington Bank presented $2,000 to Better Beginnings to assist in furthering its literacy programs and furnishing its literacy centers. Carol Jones and Harry Horowitz personally delivered the very welcome gift, and visited the classrooms. In one classroom, two teachers were reading a big book entitled, "We are the Same, We are Different". "We are the same .. we all like to eat. read one page; on the opposite page, it read, "We are different .. we like different foods." Teacher, Cecilia CampoVerde asked children to raise hands to tell their favorite food." Some said ice cream, and several said pizza. With that, our long time friend, Harry, dug into his pocket and withdrew a very generous sum of money, and said, "Here, buy these kids some pizza." Well, pizza means a party around here, and sure enough, that is what is happening. He and his wife, Gert, will join us on Thursday, along with others, for the festivities. Gert and I go back a long way, as charter members of the Business and Professional Women's Club.

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Since 1967 Better Beginnings has been a partner with its community in providing needed services. Many ways of celebrating are in the air. One surprise, planned by Susan Lloyd, creates the "35th Anniversary Fund". Board members Liston Abbott, Pete Bussone, Carol Jones, Binnie Thom, Larry Schneider and good friend Jackie Bodin have ..... well, it is Susan's surprise, so I will let her tell you later.

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Our copper coin collection is again growing, thanks to "Mr. Jerry" Turkel, Board members, and the Guilbert children. The total now is 1,419,530.

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Our good friends at First Baptist Church of Hightstown have remembered us with a generous contribution, and our faithful Cranbury connection, Loida Wilson, has brought in donations from her friends and neighbors, including Beverly Guerra, to assist us with our digital inclusion program.

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Mary Anna Reeves has made a contribution in memory of late husband, Richard, her mother and father, and his mother and father. Their names are entered in the center's Book of Honors for perpetuity. By making this contribution to the center's fledgling endowment fund, she has again invested in the future, helping to assure that the work of the center continues, and local children and families will benefit. Similar gifts for Birthdays, Memorials, and other special events and remembrances are available. At the donor's direction, a certificate will be mailed to you, or, if you wish, it will be sent directly to the recipient. Better Beginnings will act promptly and an acknowledgement will be sent to you. Better Beginnings is a 501(c)3 organization which means, of course, that contributions are tax-deductible.

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Someone gave Penny Pincher this idea for using leftover wallpaper. Do you remember how to make a fan from a piece of paper by pleating it back and forth, accordian style? Do this with wallpaper sheets cut to the size you want, making creases as sharp as you can. Fold it over at the end and secure. One way is to punch a hole all the way through and tie with ribbon or yarn. Decorate with what ever you want, such as ribbon or flowers. This is a fairly simple project, even for the very young, and they love the results.

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It is gratifying and very much appreciated to have contributions, penny collections, and donations for our programs start to come in again. We are still very concerned but it is a relief to know that our community members are still our loyal partners.

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To learn more about Better Beginnings, please visit our website at www.princetonol.com/groups/bbcdc, volunteer webmeister Liston Abbott. If you have any tips for Penny Pincher or Common Cents, please write to them in care of me at my new email address, BeWith@Mail2Peace.com

April 9, 2002
Belittling a child can hurt. It hurts now, when he depends so much on the adults in his life for his opinion of himself. It can hurt his future, too. He is less likely to achieve his potential if he has a low opinion of himself. That hurts him and, inevitably, it hurts us all.

This is the Month of the Young Child. What better time to think about the way we speak to and treat a child than sweet springtime. As we plant and nurture little seedlings, we can reflect on how their growth depends on the treatment they receive. If we tend them carefully, they will grow strong and true. So it is with the young child. I believe that should have a minimum of 12 hugs a day, along with at least 12 verbalizations recognizing their acts of kindness and intelligence.

I shudder when instead I hear someone speak in derogatory tones or words to a vulnerable young child. If he is called stupid, he will believe he is stupid. If we fail to give him respect and courtesy, he will feel like less than a person. Calling him derogatory names to his face or in his presence can be very damaging. Sometimes I wonder why people will treat a child in a way they never would treat an adult. . When I am deep in conversation with a child, for example, why would anyone rudely interrupt and start talking to me without so much as an "excuse me". However will a child learn to treat others with dignity and respect if it is not modeled for him? Rarely, I must say, not even in a super market, does anyone commit such a mistake in my presence. Not any more. Perhaps my reputation for holding impromptu discourse on this subject has preceded me.

Abraham Lincoln said so much in his customary few words, "A child is a person who is going to carry on what you have started. He is going to sit where you are sitting and when you are gone attend to those things which you think are important. You may adopt all the policies you please, but how they are carried out depends on him. He will assume control of your cities, states, and nations. He is going to move in and take over your churches, schools, universities, and corporations- the fate of our nations is in his hands- so train him well."

One of our own teachers, Brenda Werner, and her husband, Al Werner, are being honored by the Central Jersey Network of Black Women, for their work with youth. Brenda is the Supervisor of the Super:BBs After-School Program, as well as Group Teacher for the Heart Friends After-Kindergarten Program. Al is Director of Heroes and Ladies Mentoring Program.

Presentation is at the CJNBW event on Sunday, April 21st at the 5th Ave. Bistro (formerly "Coach & Four Restaurant"), Route 33, with dessert and music from 3pm - 6pm.

East Windsor Regional School District's English as a Second Language (ESL) Program Staff Members are are also being honored for their work. The Latina Women's Council's presentation to them will be at their dinner on Friday, April 26, from 7 - 12, with dinner and dancing, at the Ramada Inn of East Windsor.

Salutations and Congratulations to the Werners, the ESL staff members, and to all others who strive to provide excellent programs for our youth, "training them well."

I particularly salute all preschool teachers. While recognizing that the early childhood years lay the foundation for children's success in school and later life, we still pay parking lot attendants more than we pay these compassionate, caring, dedicated professionals. They offer their special talent with a drive borne of their love of what they do as well as the intrinsic rewards of knowing that they are meeting present needs and encouraging future possibilities.

The theme of the Month of the Young Child this year is "Children's Opportunities - Our Responsibilities". In support of this important month, HOPE (Better Beginnings Parent/Staff Group) sold Multicultural Dinners. The proceeds will be used for classroom furniture. Sherry Watkins, President of the Group, credits Althea Lewis, Nancy Green and Gloria Perez for the preparation and cooking skills, volunteers Latisha Johnson, Rosa Rozo and Rosalyn Lige for volunteering. Sherry andher sister, Angela, made donations of chicken, rolls, plates and utensils.

Our good friend, Jonathan Craig, hosted a table of items donated by Trinity Church at the dinner, to earn more to support the opportunities Better Beginnings offers families and children.

Our digital inclusion program has been given a big boost from Christopher Agans of the Rutgers Institute for Health, Health Care Policy and Aging Research, Office of Computing and Data Analysis, with four used computers now and a promise of more soon. Nancy Nicholson also donated a used computer. They will go to families who are on the other side of the digital divide. Our computer volunteers Jack Conklin, Sgt. Gonzalez and Sgt. Jerry McPherson are making repairs, thereby increasing the opportunities of the recipient children and families. Good friend Greg Washington pitched in, again, with computer software for the children.

Our copper coin collection also got a boost from Hannah, Stephen & Sarah Guilbert, children of friend Nick Guilbert of Peddie School, as well as our perennial friend, Sunny Young Deli. The total is now 1,418,230.

Mildred Bell and Frances Rios continue to make a monthly contribution in loving memory of Jimmy Jackson, their brother and uncle. Joel & Judy Larsen are as community-minded as ever, with their regular monthly pledge. Delores Murphy is always full of surprises. She brought me flowers gathered from her yard, along with many food items, paper goods, and art materials.

William W. Craig and his wife, Estelle, believed in giving young children and their working poor families opportunities from the day Better Beginnings began 35 years ago. Now, he has made a very generous contribution in her name, which has been entered into the center's Book for perpetuity. By making this contribution to the center's fledgling endowment fund, he has again invested in the future, helping to assure that the work of the center continues, and local children and families will benefit. Similar gifts for Birthdays, Memorials, and other special events and remembrances are available. At the donor's direction, a certificate will be mailed to you, or, if you wish, it will be sent directly to the recipient. Better Beginnings will act promptly and an acknowledgement will be sent to you. Better Beginnings is a 501(c)3 organization which means, of course, that contributions are tax-deductible.

Penny Pincher has added to more "R"s to her rant, for a total of five. She now advises, Recycle - Re-use - Reduce - Re-buy - and Repair. Her tip for a fun and inexpensive game this week is: A Bowling Game. Use as many clean, dry plastic bottles as you wish or have on hand. Any size will do, but 2 liter works well. Decorate them as desired. They can also be made attractive by filling with reused tissue paper or Easter grass. For young children, we like them thus, as they fall down easily, leading to success which, as we all know, breeds success. To make it a little more challenging for the older kids, sand or plaster or paris can be added, making it a bit harder to knock them down.

Depending on the age of the child or children, line them up at a fair distance. Provide a ball, and let the good times roll. Besides being fun, the child develops physical coordination and strength. Developmentally appropriate learning can be added with use of alphabet or numerals, either for recognition, or for older children, adding for score.

Happy recycling, and don't forget: Every Tuesday is Paper Goods Day at Better Beginnings! The children will gladly reuse your paper. We all use "the other side" for drawing, making notes, etc. We also need many other kinds of paper: paper towels, toilet paper, tissue, construction paper, napkins, photocopy paper, even paper money!!

To learn more about Better Beginnings, please visit our website at www.princetonol.com/groups/bbcdc, volunteer webmeister Liston Abbott. If you have any tips for Penny Pincher or Common Cents, please write to them in care of me at my new email address, BeWith@Mail2Peace.com

April 2, 2002
Violence begets violence. Hate feeds hatred. Anger escalates into horrific acts. I am appalled at the way humankind is intent on self-destruction, and how easily youth can be influenced. “We are all leaves of a tree and the tree is humanity.” This quotation from Pablo Cassals has for been my favorite for a long time. Recently, though, I feel that there is something very problematic about this word picture. Tree leaves do not strike out at other tree leaves, trying to bully, kill, maim and otherwise destroy them. They do not fly into other branches of their tree, trying to tear them off. Leaves have the good sense to know that if they destroy a part of their tree that it will bleed and cause harm to the whole tree.

A family member suggests to me that instead of spending money on weapons and acts of war, that perhaps all nations together could spend some money creating factories in poverty-stricken countries. She suspects that people in some countries are purposely being kept impoverished by their own leaders. The oppressed poor could be trained for and find work, earn money, buy food, afford health care and medicine, and become consumers of goods, creating their own markets. Ultimately, one could hope, their self esteem would flourish along with their ability to be self-supporting. There is something so simplistic, so sensible about this idea. Of course, we are still working to perfect this concept in our own country, but it could catch on.

Surprise, surprise. A recent study published in the March 29 issue of the journal Science indicates that "Children who grow up watching more TV violence are at increased risk for aggressive and violent behavior in young adulthood." Violence prevention is an integral part of Better Beginnings' curriculum, preschool and school-age. The proliferation of violence on TV is difficult to counteract, and we encourage reading, interactive play, and other constructive activities as an alternative.

Penny Pincher’s favorite month, no surprise here, is April, primarily because it contains Earth Day. Of course, as a figment of the imagination, she does not have to be concerned about the filing of the dreaded income tax return, nor that April is the month when I must validate our vehicle. Oh no, all she has to do is run around ranting, “Recycle! Reuse! Reduce!” Since it is April, and we have this Rainy Day Count Project going on, she suggests making a Rain Stick by reusing materials that would otherwise be discarded and become a part of the land fill. The Imagination Factory on the internet has directions for one. Since we do not have the dried cactus branches that were used in Chile, we will be using cardboard tubes instead. If you would like instructions for the Rain Stick, please email me at BeWith@Mail2Peace.com. Does anyone have choreography for a rain dance?

Penny Pincher also likes to make what she calls “Keep Boxes”. For this you need a box, one that would otherwise be discarded. Penny Pincher likes all sizes and kinds, but much prefers one with a lid, and the size in which copy paper is delivered. She cuts out and keeps pictures that she likes. Often they have a theme. They may be photographs of animals, or stained glass windows, or they may be items that contribute to an overall collage theme. She will then glue them to the box in a pattern of choice. She covers them with protective collage glue. This way, she has an attractive place to keep things, while displaying pictures she likes or about events during that period of time. For instance, she is presently collecting pictures of 9/11 related events.

When that is completed, we will begin work on another. For this one, we will scan photographs from the Charity Ball. Susan Lloyd collected many photographs for me from that occasion and presented me with a beautiful album she had put together. I am very grateful for that thoughtful and cherished gift.