-Weapons of Small Destruction -

Happy New Year! Have you chosen to be happy this year? Granted, the year is already speed walking across my January calendar, and it is a mite difficult to maintain a happy demeanor since we are assaulted with so much stomach-turning bad news.

I am, of course, referring not just to war and talk of war; nor just to weapons of mass destruction and their portent for the human race. What has touched us all is the weapon of small destruction: the neglect and abuse of three powerless little children in Newark.

-Parts of the Whole-

If I slip while pounding a nail into the wall and in the process, hit my thumb with a hammer, I will surely feel it throughout my body. Before I go assigning blame to my clumsy hammer hand for slipping, however, I must take into account all of the circumstances. My brain did not assure that the ladder was really sturdy. My foot was not firmly planted so I would not slip. The fact is, all had a part in it, and all felt the hurt.

These little children are a part of our body as a whole, and we all feel the pain. And, yes, regardless of all the pointing fingers, we all carry a part of the burden of blame. We are all of us, whether we accept it or not, our brothers' and sisters' keepers, and most especially we are all responsible to be our children's advocates. They are a part of us, just as we are a part of them. "We are all leaves of a tree, and the tree is humanity," Pablo Cassals.

In this case, as so often happens, fingers are pointing in many directions.

-Case for the workers-

One of those fingers is pointing at the caseworkers. I am personally acquainted with a few of the DYFS (Division of Youth and Family Services) staff who handle child abuse cases. I respect them almost to the point of reverence. Imagine what it must be like, to handle one child abuse case after another, day after day. Dealing with the abusive situation, where there is evidence of a child being hurt is bad enough. Suppose you also have to face hostile, even aggressive family members of the abused child. What if, on top of that, you have a caseload that would choke a horse, and you still had to work as a food server on the weekend to make enough money to pay bills? No wonder it is a burn out job. I have to admit I would be burned out after about one week, even sooner maybe. Just one abuse case can tear me up. Still, the workers I have known continue to be professional, conscientious, and dedicated to their jobs. They are doing work that they see as important, that can make a big difference in the life of a child and family, and which has infinite intrinsic rewards.

Never once, as has been intimated by at least one commentator, have I thought of any one of them as being "indifferent" to a tragedy of a child who is hurt, i.e., abused, abandoned or neglected.

-Indifference?-

Indifferent! Who is indifferent? Does that describe the family and neighbors who do not notice, or if they do notice, do not act on behalf, of children who are suffering? Does it describe a society that ignores the plight of caseworkers who are underpaid and way overloaded? Does it describe a government that neglects to provide up-to-date technology?

-The Thumb points right back-

And, oh yes, WE are the government. I number myself as one who is guilty. I have known for years that child abuse caseworkers are overloaded, under appreciated and, of course, underpaid. I have been aware that the system needs a good shake. I regret that I did not rant sooner. Okay, I did rant. I regret that I did not rant louder. I wish that it had not taken a tragedy to make all of us ready to improve the situation. I only hope we don't accept a band aid and call the problem fixed. Let us not, please, allow it to become "old news". One of the pithy sayings I picked up in New Jersey is, "If you point at finger at someone else, don't forget that the thumb is pointing back at you."

-Missing Kids?-

Headlines tell me that over 100 DYFS children are missing. The implication is that someone is not keeping track or doesn't care. Listen, I know about one of those children. When the suspected abuse was reported, and the caseworker proceeded to investigate, the Mom just packed up kit, kid and caboodle, and kaput! They were gone. As it turned out, this was Mom's pattern, a habitual reaction to investigation. She would simply relocate. The caseworker was close to tears. I was even closer. In fact, I did cry. We could only wait, and see if they turned up somewhere, knowing that probably if they did turn up, it would be because one of the children was again hurt, and again reported. Horrible thought, waiting for a child to be hurt again, and praying that it would not be another tragedy.

-Shouldering my Responsibility-

What is my responsibility? And yes, yours? First, if I suspect that a child is being abused, or subject to neglect, I must engage my advocate role and call for investigation. The number for DYFS Abuse Hotline is written on my telephone - 1-800-392-2721. For you, if you want it, I have a list of warning signs that a child may be being abused or neglected. Email me at BeWith@Mail2Peace.com or snail mail me at PO Box 187 Hightstown NJ 08520.

Another responsibility we have to children, all of us, is to use kind and empowering words with them, and to act with compassion and care. A little bit of kindness goes a long way.

Third, hopefully, we will make sure that our child, Faheem Williams, shall not have died in vain. This time we must monitor carefully the progress being made to improve the bureaucracy. Our friends at ACNJ (Association of Children of New Jersey) will be on the job. Maybe we can help them.

Fourth, we must apply ourselves and nudge, nag and otherwise encourage our representatives to alleviate the devastating effect of those other weapons of mass destruction, poverty, drug abuse, et.al.,  identified by Luz Nereida Horta, Executive Director at Better Beginnings. She reminds me that "besides the immediate need of having more DYFS workers and up to date technology, the problems that lead to child abuse and violence in the home need to be addressed: Poverty, drug abuse, lack of education, lack of health, lack of hope, and yes, lack of faith are all variables in this tragedy." We cannot afford to avert our eyes, or if we do look, say, "There but for the grace of God go I." Instead, we need to say, "There, by the grace of God, am I."

Fifth, We must do what we can and what presents itself in our lives as a chance to affect families and children in our midst, in our state, in our country and in our world. Each of us has opportunities, each of us is blessed with gifts: we each know what they are and need to apply them for the good of the whole. Ignoring our stomachache, or our toothache, or our heartache, does not help our headache.

I am determined to do these five things. They are almost like resolutions. Will you join me?