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He set a beautiful wrought iron candelabrum on the table, and inserted a candle. On this Saturday morning in the midst of dusky December, many holidays from many cultures are celebrated. Because all of these holidays focus on light pushing away the darkness, he lit the symbolic candle. Thus, Dr. David Abalos ceremoniously began a morning of enlightenment for the staff and guests of Better Beginnings. The topic, Cultural Competency and Conflict Resolution, was a new one for him, created just for this group. Thus beginning by emphasizing the ways in which we are so alike, he described the Muslim holiday, Ramadan; the Christian Advent; the Indian holiday, Diwali; and African American Kwanzaa; as well as the Jewish celebration of Hanukkah, and how the Sikhs consider their ten gurus a source of enlightenment. From 25 years of teaching, he learned from his students that most of us has had some type of trauma with which we have struggled. It may have been sexual, physical, desertion (including death and divorce), or alcohol or drug related. In some cases, our wounded story includes more than one of these traumas. We carry this hurt with us, he emphasized, and we need, as teachers, to heal ourselves as we reach out to others. Conflict arises from ignorance of other cultures, Dr. Abalos’ concept, is one that Brenda Werner, a Group Teacher at Better Beginnings, finds very realistic. Each of us, she observes, carries our own baggage that causes us to see others through the lenses of our own cameras; we each have choices to make on how and what we see in others; these choices are made because of our individual issues and experiences. She feels that one of the most important points she got from the workshop is that it is okay to be different and yet disagree with someone, if this is done without intent to hurt another. This means that we ought not to allow differences to cause us to be revengeful and hurt others, or want to have so much power over others that they are held back from becoming all they can be, she added. This is especially critical at Better Beginnings, where our motto is “encouraging families and children to reach their full potential”, observed Bettie Witherspoon, Director Emeritus. She also observed that those who exercise revenge and power mongering are limiting themselves as well, and are not happy people. Participant
Janice Jones, Co-Director of Education at Better Beginnings, could relate
to the history of the area. She
was young during cross-burnings in the sixties, and remembers the riots at
Hightstown High School. Others
in the group had similar memories. Janice
felt that she has made a transformation, from the time when she learned to
hate all white people because of her personal experiences, the community,
and society itself. She knows
how it feels to be looked down on because of one’s color. Since working at Better
Beginnings, she feels she has learned to appreciate and respect people
regardless of color. She
emphasizes that we should all learn to respect others’ cultures and
customs regardless of where we are from, and that we should be sensitive
to others’ feelings. This
is especially important, she feels, because we work with young children
and teach them from our examples as well as from a curriculum that is
multicultural.
Gloria
Perez, a long time staff member at Better Beginnings agrees. When we have a disagreement or
feel anger, we should openly make our feelings known in a calm and
reasonable way. To maintain
good human relationships, we should also learn about the roots and culture
of others so that we can respect each other. The group
also discussed the history of the immigration of Latin Americans to the
area. Puerto Ricans were the
first to find homes here. Later
came the Colombians, and presently, there is an influx of people from
Ecuador, Guatemala, Mexico, India and
other communities from Asia. While an
ethnic group may be lumped together, Director of Support Services Althea
Lewis agrees, it is important to realize, also, that there are divisions. Among the African Americans, for
instance, there have been issues of skin color. Latinos have separations,
and disagreements, based on their country of origin. She believes that people should be
treated the same regardless of color, ethnic background, etc. Luz Horta,
Executive Director, concluded that she feels most fortunate to be a part
of any of Dr. Abalos’ university level workshops. Each has been an opportunity
to grow as a person and as a child care professional. They provide us with “windows
and mirrors”: a mirror in
which we can take a good earnest look at the person I am and what changes
I would like to make. We are
also reminded, she adds, I must look out the “window” and clearly see
what surrounds me. Do I see
the diversity within my community? What
do I really know about other cultures?
Why is it important to know about other cultures? What happens if I simply live a
life where the shades are kept closed? She also
notes that Dr. Abalos finds that 100% of us have had a trauma of at least
one kind, and that the way we deal with our own “injured child” can
reflect on how we treat others, whether with compassion or destructively. Specifically, Dr. Abalos’ teaching shows that as we journey through our lives, in reaction to these traumas, in trying to reduce or rid ourselves of the pain, we have four choices:
There are ways in which we relate to each other that can be healthy or unhealthy as we take our journey towards transformation. Nine relationships were discussed:
As has been his custom, Dr.
Abalos volunteered his services and expertise. |
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